Azula's Tragedy (pt.1)

If you know me, you'll know two things about me. First, I have daddy issues. Second, I love Azula from the fabulous 2005 nickelodeon tv show called Avatar: The Last Airbender. And, believe it or not, these two things might be intrinsically connected. I've first watched ATLA in 2018. I think it came on netflix and I had a few memories of seeing some episodes on TV when I was younger so I gave the show a chance. Ever since, Azula has lived in my mind and in my heart almost constantly. To me, she's such an interesting and tragic character. Most people dislike her, some even hate her. My own friends are really divided about her. I managed to make them see she's not that bad, though. In truth, I could talk about Azula for hours. The way she's been written, the way her character developed through the years, the medias and the public's eyes. In 2020, when lockdown happened and ATLA got a resurgence on the mainstream, more people discovered this story and its characters. More people discovered Azula. In 2018, there were already plenty of fanarts since the show was already 13 years old. I wasn't the first to love her and I'll certainly won't be the last. But even though she had a fanbase of her own, most people still viewed her mainly as a background antagonist and only that. She was cool, sure. But they didn't care much. Just like every antagonist EVER, she had her niche fans. People who, like me, saw between the lines of her character. Or people who just liked that she was sassy and stuff. 

The show has a plethora of really interesting and varied characters. You'll always find your pick if you watch it. There will always be at least one character you like a bit more than the others. For me, it was Azula. My other favourite characters are Suki and Sokka. You might want to remember this because it'll come back later! But, anyway, here comes 2020 and everyone and their mothers watch ATLA for the first time. The fandom is now made up of a very wide spectrum of people. The one who were kids or teenagers in 2005, watching it on their little TVs. The one who, like me, discovered it way later but still in their youths. Kids and teenagers discovering it in 2020 through tiktoks or their twitter feeds. And adults, too. 

When you go on AO3, Azula is the sixth character with the most fics written about her, she comes close behind Toph and has exactly 1600 fics more than Iroh, the seventh. In 2009, according to the wayback machine, she had a grand total of 17 fics. She currently has 11044, on the 10th of March 2024. Azula is the main antagonist of the story, considering Zuko has been an antagonist for like half of the story and Ozai just hides behind his children. She was an antagonist in 2005 and she still currently is one, in 2024. Almost 20 years later. While every other characters has been allowed growth and change, she is frozen in the same state. In ATLA's sequel, The Legend of Korra, the main cast all got old and they're almost all dead. But they still exist in this universe. They're mentioned, loved and missed. They exist. And even if there are many flaws about the paths some of them chose (...............Toph), at least they evolved and changed. But Azula doesn't exist in this world. The story left her behind. Zuko is still alive and he's present in many episodes in the third season. But not once he mentions his sister. Not once. I found it appealing. 

So today, I'll talk about Azula's redemption. Why the story used her only for other's growths, why her character seemed doomed from the start and why she deserves to be redeemed and in the canon. This will be divided into two articles. You can continue reading this one if you're interested in understanding better how I view Azula's character in the canon. If not, you can leave here and go to the second part. I won't hold it against you but I'll have to warn you that, maybe, some of the things I say won't make any sense if you don't know how much I care for her...

 Furthermore, this will be a very long rant of my thoughts and ideas. English isn't my first language and I don't really proof-read anything that I write since it's mainly for my own enjoyment so if there are any spelling mistakes or weird turns of phrases I'm sorry! And, yes, I'll probably sound crazy, don't mind me...

In 2020, I wrote a 45 pages document about Azula's redemption through some songs lyrics I thought fitted her situation. There were 20 songs in total on this playlist, ranging from Rihanna to Aurora with a bit of Taylor Swift and Beyoncé in the middle. This playlist still exists and you can listen to it here. Just know that I added some songs over time so not all of them are on the original document. I still have the same ideas and thoughts but I also think some things deserve to be changed. Firstly, the format. While it was interesting to choose music to accompany her redemption, I think some song choices weren't perfect and the overall execution wasn't that good. If you take out the lyrics of the songs, then it's almost nothing. You go from 45 pages to 22. Half of them! Some of it also feels really lazy and that's because it is. I was just going insane from being locked in my room for six months straight and had a severe case of hyperfixation. 

Now, it's four years later. I've been stuck in my room for the past fifteen months and I'm having a severe case of hyperfixation so I find it fitting to rework this and put all of my thoughts about Azula's redemption and the treatment she received in canon in the same place. Centralizing my thoughts in a way. 

So, I'll start with what's currently canon and what I think about the way things are. I'm talking about the original tv show and the comics. I haven't watched the 2024 netflix adaptation in full yet but I have some reserves about it, to be honest. For one, Sokka's actor is pissing me off and I find him extremely ugly so it's a pain to watch whenever he's on the screen.. The other castings are actually almost perfect so it only makes me more mad to know he ruined it all. Also, the fx and cgi are horrendous (pay your artists!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) and the overall pacing really annoys me. The story is all jumbled over and some of the choices they made don't make sense to me. I'm sure there are many more criticisms but as I said I've seen only three episodes so far and the only thing I liked is Azula, of course. And Suki, my beloved. I know there are differences and her relation with Ozai is one of them so I'm interested to see how it goes but I can't get past all the other things I dislike so... Maybe one day. But this won't happen today.

In the canon, Azula is one of the main antagonist. I insist on this term. She's NOT a villain! One of the creators of the show said in the artbook that she was his favourite villain but it's just misusing this term. Based on Oxford Languages definitions, a villain is a character whose evil actions or motives are important to the plot while an antagonist is a person who actively opposes or is hostile to someone or something; an adversary. In the same artbook, she's also described as sadistically manipulative. Is Azula evil? Is she profoundly immoral and wicked? Does her actions warrant her being called a villain? She sure is important to the plot but I see her more as someone actively opposing the Gaang and being hostile to others than being someone immoral and evil. Her moral compass is flawed because she's been raised in a cruel household. She's manipulative and she's cruel but I don't believe her to be a sadist. She's a broken child, not a psycho or sociopath.

The creators treating her as a villain instead of an antagonist is the first proof that Azula was doomed since the start. In the same artbook, Zuko is also called a villain but the intentions are clearly different. Someone in their team wondered "What if there was a young villain going after Aang in each episode" and that's how Zuko was born. He's not painted as cunning or a sadist, there is not a single negative thing said about him. He's just "a scary-looking kid" and it's even said that "His journey and his decisions, both good and bad, made him the most complex and realistic character on the show". In comparison, Azula is once again called a dangerous villain. I want you to understand that words and the way they used hold power, especially in the narrative. I'm not criticizing the creators' decisions, by the way. I'm just trying to show that, despite everything, Azula has been locked into her position since the very start of the story, making the process of a redemption arc for her far more complicated than for her brother. It's crystal clear that she has never been written with a redemption in mind.

I'm also not saying that every antagonist or villain ever should get redemption arcs. Some characters are far more interesting the way they are and, most of the time, redemption doesn't mean anything to them. But in Azula's case, I just find it cruel. It was as if the narrative only used her to help others' growths and then dumped her. It's almost been twenty years since the start of the show and her fate still hasn't been decided. It's breaking my heart.

Azula is shown as obsessed with power. Going to great lengths as to prove her worth to her father. Since she started firebending, Azula has always been put in competition with her older brother, Zuko. She was a prodigy and he was not. This made her relationship with her brother tainted with unhealthy competitiveness and jealousy. Their father even saying at one point that "[Azula] was born lucky" while "[Zuko] was lucky to be born." Ursa called him out on this but it didn't mean anything. It just reinforced both of their feelings. Azula felt like her mom was protecting Zuko too much and Zuko felt like their father was once again favoring Azula. And I believe both of these things are true. Ozai favored his daughter for her aptitude and potential and pushed her always farther. Ursa saw how both her husband and daughter acted towards Zuko and tried to shield him from them. The rift between them only grew as years passed on. Azula's sense of superiority and jealousy turned into cruelty. Zuko had to stay at the back and see his sister turn into someone mean and terrifying; their father's golden child.

 While there's not a single doubt that Ozai is the abuser and the instigator of all the harm they both went through, I also believe that Ursa and, to some extent, Iroh had a part in it too. As adults, they should've protected Azula from her father's emprise. They could have demonstrated empathy and kindness towards her just like they did with Zuko. But, as it was shown in the comics and the show, they barely even tried to reach her before it was too late. I kind of dislike Iroh because of how hypocritical he is. He never made any attempt to care about Azula. He offered her gifts that were clearly not bought with her in mind and he didn't even try to get to know her better. He has always been very, very critical of her while excusing Zuko's actions and supporting him in every way. For someone who advocates for forgiveness and empathy, he never showed any sympathy towards his niece. And I can understand that Azula's childhood was when Iroh's life started going awry but he still paid attention and cared about Zuko so, in the end, it doesn't really excuse his actions.

As for Ursa, it's a bit more complicated but also really simple. She never wanted to marry Ozai but she did. She was forced into a loveless and abusive marriage and suffered from it. She was trapped, alone and scared. She gave birth to two children and you can believe she never really wanted to. Who would willingly bring children into such a household? However, she had a duty and she was disposable. But once they were here, they became her responsibility. She had to protect them from the abuse she was facing. I'm not blaming her for Ozai's actions, once again. I know firsthand how hard it is to react and protect others from abuse. But every choices she made, the canon shows us that she made them with only Zuko in mind. She left the two of them to save him. She saved herself at the same time. She ran away and freed herself. Zuko didn't die for his father's sins but he was punished nonetheless. 

I don't doubt Ursa loved Azula. She even said it at some points in the story. She was her mother and I believe that she truly wanted to love her the same way she loved Zuko. Love isn't a ranking. She had enough space in her heart for both of them. But she also never told her daughter that she loved her. Never once. The only proof of her affection for Azula is from the night Ursa left them. She kissed her daughter in her sleep. Azula probably never knew about it. And I think that some part of her was sincerely scared of the person she would become. Just like Ozai, she saw Azula's potential. She saw that she was a prodigy. Her first reaction was fear and distrust. She loved her, was scared for her and probably scared of her. I wouldn't go as far as say that she thought Azula was a monster. But there was cleary a part of her that thought of the worst when she saw her firebending. 

This made her harsher on her daughter. She wanted so badly to guide her in the right direction, but she didn't know how to do it. So Ursa constantly reprimanded and berated Azula. And even if it was the right thing to do as a parent, even if Azula deserved to be disciplined, Ursa should also have learned to balance it with love. But she didn't. She showered Zuko with affection and tenderness but only scolded Azula. You could say it was because Ozai had already taken her as his favourite and so Ursa could not really do anything but it's not true. By constantly pampering Zuko, she also hurt him since Ozai saw this as a sign of weakness from his son and only punished him more for it. As I said, she's far from being the reason why Zuko was abused in the first place but, in my opinion, she actively participated in Azula's abuse. As soon as Azula proved to be a firebender, Ursa shut her out. She even said "You are your father's daughter." when Ozai asked her to tell Azula how proud she was of her. You could argue that it isn't one hundred percent reliable since it's from Azula's point of view in an hallucination, but it still is something resembling the truth. And it's such a cruel truth... 

Ursa and Iroh let Azula get wrapped up around Ozai's finger and did NOTHING to help her. She was merely a child when it happened! She probably wasn't older than four when they both deemed her a hopeless case. FOUR! No wonder Azula spent the next thirteen years thinking her mother hated her. She was broken even before Ozai really made her into the person she became. And even if I say that, I want you to remember that Azula is no older than seventeen in the comics and only fourteen in the tv show. She was just a child! She's only a teenager! She should have never been left alone with this man during all these years. Ozai physically and mentally abused Zuko. Ozai also pushed Azula to abuse him, too. She took part in this abuse, there's no point in denying it. She saw how their father treated Zuko and made the decision to side with him, in order to prevent being his victim's too. She coped the way she could without even probably realizing it. Her abuse was easier to deal with if she was sure that she wasn't abused. You could say she protected herself by taking part in Zuko's abuse. It doesn't make it right, though. 

I once saw someone talk about how, from Zuko's perspective, Azula didn't deserve any kind of forgiveness. I may be right, I'll never argue against that. I think it's ultimately his choice, if he wants to forgive her or not. I don't think forgiveness and redemption come hand in hand or is a general thing. It comes down to each individual and their sensibility. I believe Zuko would try his hardest to forgive his sister because it'll also help him to heal. On the other hand, I don't see Ty Lee ever approaching her ever again. It's not because she's less forgiving than Zuko, though. It's more that Azula is the person who harmed her the most in her life and it's really hard to heal from such a damaging relationship. Ty Lee wouldn't hold a grudge against her, but she would also entirely cut ties with her. 

 Azula made terrible things during all the course of the story. She hurt people mentally and physically, she committed crimes and was an all-around terrible person. But I want to reiterate that she was a child. I believe it's important that you keep that in mind. She still has plenty of time to heal and grow up from that. 

Zuko was given the right to heal from his abuse and to become a better person. He got a redemption. He was helped by Iroh and his friends and, later, even by his mother. Zuko is a good person at heart, has always been. Zuko is the exemple of a good victim, in this story. He was a victim of abuse for years, has done bad things but acknowledged them and made peace with his actions. He was given the right to redemption because the story care about him and needed him to grow in order to advance. His role as an antagonist was only to show that the real villain was Ozai. But also because having only a grown-ass man beefing with a child for three seasons would have been really weird. Ozai needed pawns and he used his children for that. 

I've also seen people say that Azula had everything growing-up while Zuko had nothing. I could argue that it's both correct and wrong. Azula had her father's attention, friends and power. She was a prodigy. But they're all things that broke her later on. She became a puppet in order to please Ozai. She became cruel just for him. She only wanted power and to prove herself. She wanted to be the greatest. Just as any gifted child, the burn-out was inevitable from the start. She lost her friends because they were never really friends to start with. She forced them to do whatever she wanted, she pushed their boundaries and hurt them repeatedly. Fear has always been a constant in her life. She feared her father, feared what he could do to her and turned her fear into something to shield her. She used it to hurt others. As she said, "Fear is more reliable than trust". In one of the comics Ty Lee even says that she never lost her fear of [Azula]. And she's been her closest friend for the longest time. 

So, right maybe Zuko had no friends growing up but I'm not sure it's something he lacked, really. I mean, just see how he acted with people in season one. They weren't his friends but he would have been rude and demanding towards anyone at this point so, in a way, it's not so bad that he didn't really have friends. Of course it made him awkward around people his age and unable at first to express his feelings and thoughts without using violence. But he also had Ursa's love and Iroh's interest. And let's not act as if Mai and Ty Lee didn't exist. They weren't his friends in the first place but they still spent some times together when they were younger and later on, too. When Zuko comes back to the Fire Nation, he spends time with them and Azula. It probably isn't by choice but he goes along well with them. They even are more of his friends than Azula's in the current timeline. 

If you look at it from Azula's point of view, she always did what she deemed essential to her survival. She pursued her father's ambition, went to great lengths to prove her worth. She did everything she had to do in order to stay on top of everything and everyone. And in the end, she still lost absolutely everything. Her father, her power, her title. And the worst thing is that she still believes Ozai was right. At no point in the show or comics there is any talk about Azula realizing how she's been hurt by him. It's always all about her mommy issues and her troubles with her friends and stuff. Don't get me wrong, it's really interesting but I believe that her relation with her father is truly worth of being more talked about. It's something I'm glad the netflix show tried to do. As I mentioned, I haven't seen enough of it to really have an opinion about the choices they made but I believe it's great to see another side of Azula. Here's a little something I wrote last year that, I feel, encapsulate very well how I see their relationship. 

"My Father never did anything to me," were the words Azula always repeated, softly, to herself. Whenever it was difficult to love him, to respect him, she'd remember that he had never did anything to harm her. Sure, he'd hurt others. His subjects, his ministers, his own brother, his own wife. His own son. But he never laid a hand on her. Never shout when it was only the two of them in his council room. Of course, Ozai was no tender man. He had never been soft as some fathers are. But he never, ever, hurt her the way she saw him hurt others. He believed in her. He put his trust on her. He had high expectations, yes, but nothing she couldn't shoulder. Because he had raised her to be the best. To be his true heir. And she always did whatever it took to be deserving of his trust and love. Because it had to be love. What could have it been if not love?

As I said at the start of this post, my love for Azula and my own daddy issues are two sides of the same coin. So is my story with abuse. And I sincerely believe it is the main reason of why I love this character so much. I don't see myself in her the way I'd do with others, she's not someone I believe I've ever been. But I feel like we share a place in the universe. I've also been my father's golden child in some way. Just like Azula, he never hurt me the way I've seen him abuse others around us. I think that I have to talk about this so you understand the way I see her better. It's very different than the way I love other characters because, whatever I do, I'll always come back to her. It's been six years since I first saw her on my screen. And ever since, she's been the first I ever think about when I think about my favourite fictional character. She's the one I wrote many, many words about just to try and explain how much she matters to me. I don't have many merch of her, not any tattoo or anything. Many people in my life probably don't associate me with her at a first thought. But I know she'll always be there so I feel a little bit less alone in this world. 

Maybe the way I see Azula now is way too tainted by my own ideas so I can't really get other people's opinions about her. I must admit that I can get easily pissed when I see people online saying things about her I don't agree with. I'll never get into an argument about it but I get mad on my own and it's already embarrassing enough as it is. 

Anyway, I believe you can see now a bit more clearly how I see her. The character she's in my mind and the love I have for her. I think it was important to lay these foundations before going into her redemption. Because if I told you at the start of this post that I wholeheartedly and fully believe that Azula could heal through art therapy and with Suki's help, you'd probably think I'm crazy. And maybe you still do. But if you read this far, I'm sure you're at least ready to trust the process and read the second part of this article. :)

So, I'll leave you on that! I'll see you soon!!

Aftersun (2022) dir. Charlotte Wells

It's been almost three years since I last talked to my dad. 

It happened like that, without me even realizing it. One day I had a father and the next his number was muted. 

When I was younger, I was his pride and joy. We did many things together, every weekend. My parents divorced around my second or third birthday so I never knew them together. My mom had had another daughter from a previous union and I was my dad's jewel. Literally. It meant getting spoiled often with gifts and little things. We visited museums and castles every time I was at his house, went pony riding and ate whatever I wanted. At night, I slept with him, all cuddled up on the couch, some documentary playing in the background, on the big old TV. I vividly remember these moments, painted in my mind on a pristine canvas. I never touched it, in fear of tainting them. 

I've watched Aftersun (2022) on his birthday, last year.

It made me think about killing myself.

We went on a trip once, just the two of us. Without my step-mom. I was almost so young that I barely remember anything. We took a boat across the Mediterranean Sea and I saw dolphins swimming right next to my window. He stayed up all night playing cards with another guy and I had a really cute backpack though I can't remember for the life of me what was the design. It might have lasted a few hours or a few days. Time when you're such a tiny kid doesn't work the same. It was a big adventure but, unless Sophie in the movie, I was too young and didn't really cherished this memory enough. It was the only time we went somewhere together. I almost lost my favourite plushie on the way home. It was summer and I might have been wearing only pink clothes as it was my favourite colour at the time. It was over twenty years ago. Now, it's almost lost in this memories gallery. And unfortunately, most of them aren't good. 

As I grew up, the castles visits and weekly gifts disappeared. He got married to my step-mom and I was a flower girl. Our cat got babies. I got a younger brother, then two, then a little sister. Our cat's babies got babies. This family I was in the center of before became something else. I wasn't really part of it anymore. Not like a normal family, anyway. It was them and it was me. I became a visitor and my bedroom turned into my brothers'. Then the abuse started. But I wasn't there. I was never there when everyone else suffered. My weekly visits became bi-weekly. I was seeing them less and less. And I turned into somewhat of a traitor in my mind. I didn't see what was happening right under my nose. I hated them because I was a teenager and they were the most annoying people ever. They were too loud and the children broke my kids and my step-mom was overbearing and my father didn't really look at me anymore.

I spent four days each months with them and it was already too much for me. We went on vacations and I disliked every single second of it because I just wanted to be home, to see my friends and to get away from them. I found petty reasons to dislike them just because I wanted to. Not because they were unlikable. Not my dad, though. Over time, he became increasingly more and more insufferable. More despicable. But he never did anything to me. He never touched me, never hurt me physically. So, for a while, I thought that my pain was illegitimate. Especially since what the others went through was worse. You could say I have sort of a survivor guilt. I now realize that mental abuse is as dangerous as physical and he hurt all of us. But for a long time I wondered why he loved me so much and how it was my fault. I didn't want his love because it felt like a burden but I had to shoulder it or else it made me kind of a hypocrite. Whatever I do, I'll always be my father's daughter and it's my cross to bear. 

Aftersun isn't a movie about abuse. But it's a movie about fathers. And I can't dissociate abuse from my dad. 

It tainted all my good memories. The pristine canvas are only this way because they've been stored away in the depths of my mind. I barely even think about them anymore. My memories aren't videos like Sophie's. I don't have any proof of how my dad was before I realized he was the worst person I know. He only exists in pictures. And I'm ashamed to say that I really like some of these pictures. I love these tiny parts of a childhood I don't remember living. They're frozen in time. Parts of my past without me even knowing, really. I have hundreds of these but not a single video of him. It's been three years and I can't remember what he sounds like. I don't want to hear his voice ever again but I wish I had the choice. 

Aftersun is such an interesting movie because it's meant to be seen through Calum's eyes but it really is from Sophie's perspective, in my opinion. She's rediscovering her own story with her dad's memories. Personally, it really touched me because it made me see it from two very different lenses. The first is the child's one. It made me think about everything I enjoyed before learning the truth about it. The childish triviality we all go through. I remembered that feeling of carelessness. It made me yearn for it. The second is the adult's. The depressed type of adult. Someone who's idea of life is not living at all. Someone who'd rather give everything up than going on. I found myself in him. Sure, I'm far from being a parent, but I still feel like I have responsibilities to everyone around me. I owe them something so I'll keep on going. But just as Calum I sometimes make stupid decisions and ponder over death. 

To me, Calum and Sophie are two sides of one person. And this person is me. 

And I wouldn't be anyone if not for my dad. 

Aftersun means the world to me. In a way I could never really fully describe even if I tried. My father bought rugs. Many of them. Metaphorical rugs, all in different shapes and forms. My father danced without caring how he looked. I went to holidays with my father but spent more time with my step-mom than with him. I've spent more of the twenty last years with her than him. I don't recall when he stopped being my dad. Even before he disappeared from my life, I barely ever spoke with him. At first it was because I was a teenager and I never spoke about anything anymore. Then it was because I didn't want to exist in the same space as someone so violent and terrifying. I think I may be one of my father's rugs. Sometimes it feels like it. He threw me out, once. Just as you do to a rug. Because I betrayed him in his mind. I was eleven and I sat outside of the home while he threw all of my stuff through the window. I remember my magazine collections, my stuffed animals, the huge tiger plushie my mima got me once for Christmas and my pink bathrobe laying on the ground among many other things. He kept my toys because they were also my brothers'. He threw almost everything else. An hour later, my mom came pick me up. I never saw most of these things ever again. They're still laying on the ground of my mind, waiting to be tidied up away. 

Aftersun makes me want to love my father but it also helps me understand that the man on the pictures isn't the one who hurt me and everyone else around him for years. They're one and only but they're also different. I will never love him ever again but sometimes I miss him. I can't help but feel jealousy creeping up my neck every time I see a daughter and her father together. I'm annoyed at my little sister because she still sees him every week but I can't do anything. I just have to wait until she's old enough to realize what he really is. I just hope she'll have videos. 

I don't think I'll ever become a parent. But if it happens, then I'll try and do like Sophie. I'll watch those pictures of my father and I'll try to be the good person he never was. This abuse has to end with me, one way or another. And it's okay for me to find myself looking back at the little boy he once was, with scrapped knees and red marks lying across his face. It's okay to wish someone would have been tender with him. It will never change what happened. He had dreams and hopes and they never became real. Not through him, not through me, not through my brother. He's still alive somewhere, closer to me than I like it to be. I know he still exists. But I don't think I still have a father. I think I lost him the first time I wish he was dead, a long time ago. 

Losing my dad also means losing a part of my identity, in a way. I have cousins I have never met and I forgot my other cousins' names. I don't remember my aunt's face or if my uncle was nice. It's been more than ten years since I last visited one of the country that makes my origins. I don't speak the language, I don't know the customs. It's something that I miss sometimes, more than my dad. I grief this part of myself, too. I should try and get it back for myself but it's harder when there's no one to guide you. I regret many things but one of them is that I never appreciated one of my home countries enough. I'd like to go back someday. I'd swim in the sea and buy a rug. And maybe I'll feel closer to myself this way. 

In the end, this is more of a rant about myself than it is a film review. But I think that movies can really be loved when you find a piece of yourself in them. It's not necessary but the movies I love the most are the ones that reflect some of me. Like thousand of broken mirrors, all reflecting only a slice of who I really am. So that's why Aftersun is such an important movie to me. I know I didn't talk about the cinematography, the phenomenal actors or the storytelling but I wholeheartedly believe it's a movie you should see before reading about it. You have to watch it with your own eyes and not through someone else's eyes. It's a six stars movie in my book! 

Well, now I'll finally release you from my incessant rambling! Have a great day!!

Dungeon Meshi

Alright so here it is, my first official post! 

I thought about it for a moment and decided it had to be on something I really like. So I settled on starting my blog with something I really, really love and discovered only recently: Dungeon Meshi. 

If you don't know what Dungeon Meshi is don't worry! I'll explain it all to you! Dunmeshi as fans might call it online, is a manga (recently adapted in anime) by Ryoko Kui. It recounts the tale of a Party of adventurers in a dungeon, taking lots of inspiration from roleplays or DnD. The main characters are Laios, a tall-man and the leader of their group, Marcille, an elven mage, and Chilchuck, a half-foot locksmith.

They're looking for Laios' sister, Farlyn, who's been eaten by a dragon on one of the lowest level fo the dungeon. Unfortunately, they've been dumped by two of their members, Namari and Toshiro, and, on top of that, they're broke. It means they can't get food or new equipments and they lost most of theirs during their fight with the dragon. But they must go back quickly in order to save Farlyn! People dying in the dungeon can be ressurected but there are a few conditions. And one of them is that, in order to ressurect someone, you must get most of their body in good shape. So they have to get quickly to Farlyn, before the dragon digests her. 

That's when they met Senshi, a dwarf warrior living in the dungeon. Senshi values healthy habits most than anything else in the world! Which means you have to eat full meals everyday! And that's the main point of this story; food. Basically, Senshi introduces them to monsters cuisine and, as they go back into the dungeon, they discover new ways to cook monsters. Each chapter is sort of dedicated to one meal but also one type of monster. Laios is kind of a freak and he loves monsters more than people. He also loves eating them. Marcille and Chilchuck are a a bit against this idea but since it's their only way to get through the dungeon, they deal with it. 

I know the premise seems a bit silly but it deals with really serious topics all throughout the story. Each of these characters has to cope with stuff way greater than themselves. It's a very, very intersting plot with intricates storylines and a few heavy subjects like grief, death and desires. 

If you want to read it, I suggest you click out now! I'll start talking about it more in depths and it would be a shame if you got spoiled! It's such a great piece of media and an intersting story, I wholeheartly believe you should go in without knowing too much! :)

So, here we go! Three of my favourite things about Dungeon Meshi (not in order).

1. Marcille's fear of death.

At first, Marcille appears as a stuck-up elf who only sticks with the Party for Farlyn, her friend. But throughout the story we can see how much she cares about the others. She considers them her friends and will do anything to save them from harm. But we also discover that Marcille is terrified of death. Later on, we learn that she's not really an elf but moreso a half-elf. Which means her mom is an elf and her dad a tall-man. Famously, elves have much longer lifespans than the other races so Marcille's dad died when she was still young (by elves standards). This made her realize that, one day, every single person she ever loved will die, leaving her behind. She's not afraid of dying but she's terrified of being left alone. And I can really empathize with this feeling. It something that hits close to home for me because I'm also experiencing this. Not that I know  I'll live longer than the people I love but I know some people from my entourage will die before me and I'm really scared of that. So, yeah, this arc was really interessant to read. Especially since Marcille's fear draws her to become an antagonist for a few chapters. Her dream since the beginning of the story is to find a way to make short-lived races lifespans longer. And long-lived races' shorter. So everyone will be able to stay together. On paper, it seems like a good idea. But the story quickly shows us that it would be impracticable and sort of cruel for everyone. The moral dilemma is really well written and I absolutely loved this storyline. Especially since it starts to sprout early on but you don't really pick it up until it's there.

2. Laios

I love him. He's an absolute freak. He cares more about monsters than people. He's bad at reading social cues and sucks at making meaningful connexions. He was depressed and wasting away before finding his way to the dungeon. He's far from being the best Party leader but he really tries his best. He loves his sister more than anything in the world. He's such an interesting character to me! Sure, he has plenty of flaws, but they're not the worst things ever. And as I said, he always tries his best. His arc is very interesting, too, because at first he sincerely just seems like a dumb guy. And don't get me wrong, he's a dumb guy! But he's also truly so sincere with his intentions, it's heartwarming. One of my favourite moments of the manga is the first time they save Farlyn. He hugs her tightly, as if he never wants to leave this embrace ever again. 

laios hugging farlyn

His face in this one panel means the world to me. Unfortunately for him, Farlyn disappears that same night and becomes a dragon chimera. Later in the story, the Party will be confronted with a choice of what to do about it. Laios will take it upon himself to kill his sister in order to save her. And that might be one of the most gutwrenching scenes I've ever read in a manga. There's no doubt that Farlyn is the person he loves the most in the entire world. He'd died for her. He's feeling guilt because he feels like it's his fault she's in this state. He thought a few times that it should've been HIM instead of her, being eaten by the dragon. He feels like Farlyn is more important to the Party. 

laios before killing farlyn

On multiple occasions he thinks about how things would've been different if Farlyn had never been eaten by the dragon. But never EVER he thinks about giving up on her. He'll die trying to save her even if it's the last thing he'll ever do. Laios won't hesitate to put the fate of the whole universe to save his sister. 

Like I said, Laios is dumb. But he's far from being stupid. He sacrified himself to save his sister AND the universe and managed to come back from it. All throughout the story, people suggest that the worse thing that could happen is Laios becoming the Master of the Dungeon. And maybe they were right, in some ways. But at the end of the story, Laios becomes a King. And it's so meaningfull and fitting! It's such a beautiful way to finish this story, in my opinion. It couldn't have been better. I often think about the last chapters and my heart swells with love and warmth. 

3. The Ending

As I just mentionned, this story has one of the best ending I've ever read. And that's because there's no rush, no plot holes or characters left behind. Everything wraps up neatly and I'm so, so, so glad for it! One of the last chapters is about Izutsumi, asking the others what they will do after. Because she has no idea what she will do, now that she's free of accompany them on their quest. As they're all preparing a feast, each of them answer with the meal they're cooking. They all finally talk about their future and their plans. It doesn't help Izutsumi and that's when she says one of my favourite lines. "In order to live, I can't just do the things that I like to do, It's absolutely unfair." It's very simple but it resonates with me. I really like this moment! But, anyway, when she asks Laios, he's panicking because he has NO IDEA. People are trying to make him king and he's still wondering if he'll be able to save Farlyn. And instead of pushing it, Izutsumi then says she was talking about food. I really love this because it shows how different he's different from the others and from himself, in a way. He's not only thinking about monsters and food anymore. He found other things to care about and he really cares. I love that chapter and I love the ending. I'm glad it's a happy ending for everyone. They all deserve to be happy, forever! 

Here, I'm done rambling for now! Maybe I'll make a part two for this post with more stuff I love about this manga! I just put the three first things that came in my mind but I could easily talk about it for hours! And maybe I'll do! :3c

I'll leave you with the ending song of the anime because it's so good and it's by one of my favourite bands!!!