Belles of London ; a books review

 "And they had horses, too.

As happily-ever-afters went, it didn't get much better."

 The Muse of Maiden Lane by Mimi Matthews, epilogue

Since the start of the year, I've been reading a book series called "Belles of London" by Mimi Matthews. At first, what drew me in where the horses. On each book cover, there are horses. And secondly, it seemed Bridgerton-ish. What I mean is, it's set in the Victorian era. In London, as you probably gathered from the title. If there's something I love it's a good period romance with horses. I love horses. If you know me, you probably know I'm a horse girl. Not currently, I haven't set foot near a horse in a while (except one time during a vacation and it was neat!) but once a horse girl, always a horse girl. I've always loved stories about horses. Books, comics, tv shows, movies, games... Whatever it was I gobbled it up like a famished child. When I was no much older than four, I often went of pony rides with my dad. We'd go to a farm and they'd lend us the pony, Poupette, for an hour. He would lead me in the forest and I loved that. 

A few years later, I learned how to ride a horse in a small farm near my father's house and went riding every two weeks or so. The horse was called Gamin (kid in french) and was an old gelding once black but then dotted with white and grey hair all over. He was the kindest and most patient horse in the whole world. He loved children and cantering around the paddock. I learned how to stand up on his back before I learned how to sit correctly for a trot. Let me tell you, to this day I still get a side ache when I get to trot on a horse, it's my curse. 

For a little while, I even got my own pony. I named him Spirit, of course, and it was a cute Shetland foal with dark brown markings and a light brown coat. To be honest, my dad bought it to me because he thought it could make me love him more. It didn't work and, after a few distasteful deeds from his part, the cute little Spirit was sold back to its owners. Thankfully, they were friends of my stepmother, the same people who taught me how to ride so I still got to see him often. And it's a fun fact about me. I once got a pony, like some rich spoiled brat. 

All that to say, I love horses. I find them absolutely fascinating and lovely. Sometimes, I wish I could start riding again but I simply don't have the money nor the means. Honestly, it's a bit scary to start a new activity on my own. 

But enough! We're not here to listen to me rant about how much I love horses. Well, a bit but it's mainly about the books not me! 

So, the books. Each volume is about one of the Horsewomen as they're called and a love interest. We get dual points of view, alternating between the girl and her beau. And, obviously, each of the girls (and even the men later on) have a horse of her own. 

In the first instalment, The Siren of Sussex, we meet Evelyn. She came to London for her Season. She loves two things: horses and fashion. But she's also what can be called a bluestocking or a wallflower. She grew up in Sussex along with her six sisters and their aunt since their parents' death. It's her passion for fashion who pushes her to sought out a fabulous habit maker. She then meets Ahmad, a dressmaker who wishes to own his own tailoring shop. His designs are almost too wonderful to be real. They make the women glow and shine and he finds himself a muse in Evelyn. I won't spoil too much of their story so you still have things to look forward to and discover but I'd like to talk about the themes of this first book. 

Evelyn must marry rich for her sisters' sake but she longs for romance. It's a rather usual trope for this kind of romances. How could she fall in love with a tailor when she has to make a fortune? It's plain and simple. As for Ahmad, that's where I really started to get interested in these books. Ahmad Malik is mixed race. Indian from his mother and English from his father, a soldier who went to India when it was colonised. The story talks about the hardships of feeling like you don't belong anywhere because of your upbringing and looks. Because Ahmad left India when he was young but never felt at home in London either. It also talks about the class differences, the inherent racism of this era's society and how it affects him daily, in many ways. I found it really interesting because it seemed like the author really made her researches on these topics and I felt it was done quite well. Maybe I'm wrong, of course. I'm not Indian and even if I'm not fully white either, I'm passing so the racism and the many discrimination Ahmad has to face will never affect me. But I think it wasn't completely botched and it doesn't nullify the purpose at any point so I liked it. As for the romance, there's longing and yearning and both Evelyn and Ahmad are really interesting characters. They both have a life and goals outside of the other and neither of them are defined by their love for the other. It's something I quite loved in all of these books. None of the characters felt empty or lacking in personality. Each of them was different from the others. I love that. 

As for Evelyn's horse, Hephaestus I quite liked him too! Unfortunately, the horses aren't as present as I thought they were but every time they were there, you could feel how much the author loves horses too. She just knows how to talk about them so well, it's lovely.

The second book, The Belle of Belgrave Square, is about one of Evelyn's friends we met in the first book, Julia. She's a rather shy and withdrawn girl. What she loves the most after her horse, Cossack, are books. Especially romance novels. Her parents are two hypochondriacs who keep her under their thumb, treating her as if she's not a daughter but only a nurse they brought into their lives to take care of them. This suffocating life is halted by the occasional horse ride outing or her friends' visits at home. That's how she usually escapes but, when the story starts, she's left all alone in London. All of her friends are gone for a week and since it's the middle of the Season, she's forced to face it on her own. 

At the same time, Jasper is in town to find a wife. He's reputed to be a ruthless war hero with a dozen of bastards kept neatly away in his estate, far away from London. When he's first introduced to Julia, she runs away. She's deeply intimidated by him and he understands it. With his domineering height and the gruelling scar across his face, he looks more like a villain from one of the many books she loves than a war hero or even a gentleman. And Julia longs for romance. She's looking for her fairy tale ending and prince charming. I won't say too much about Jasper's character because it's better if you find out by yourself the full length of his nature. Just be assured that he's absolutely lovely and full of wonders. He's a really tender man and I think him and Julia are truly perfect for each others. 

The themes of this volume are really interesting, too. Just like the first one, both Julia and Jasper are full people each on their own, fighting their own battles. It talks about child abuse in a gripping way. You get hurt as Julia does and you can feel her pain and the conflict building up inside of her throughout the book. As for Jasper, it talks a lot about identity, memories and acceptance in a way. And, obviously, it always comes back to what family is in its deepest sense. 

As a romantic bookish girl myself, I'm also yearning for my own fairy tale ending so this book really resonated with me. I found a lot of me in Julia's character and her growth was truly inspiring. Also, I loved Cossack. He's described as a massive horse and I love to picture her on top of this humongous beast... I just love them so much... Jasper has a horse too! It's name is Quintus and he's even bigger than Cossack. I just love thinking about Julia and Jasper riding atop of two of the biggest horse in all of England, lmao... 

The third volume, The Lily of Ludgate Hill, is telling the story of Anne, Julia's best friend and a Lady. She's the daughter of an earl and still grieving him, even seven years after his death. She lives in Mayfair with her mother, both of them always wearing black mourning clothes. For the earl but also for the death of the late Prince Albert. Anne's mother is really enthusiastic about spiritualism and even has her own spirit companion. Her daughter doesn't really believe in all that but she's always supporting her Mama in all of her endeavours, even if it makes her look like a freak in the eyes of the Society. She's a really temperamental girl who couldn't care less about others' opinions of her. Except when it comes to Felix Hartford, her foe. Most of the book is centred about their really complicated relationship because, believe it or not, they used to quite like each other. But now, they can only bicker at each other. 

It's rather appealing how they constantly toe the line between anger and love, both of them having been hurt by the other in the past. They share the same feelings but neither of them know how to deal with them, it's quite a difficult affair for them. And it doesn't help that Anne's mother seems to be overbearing and Hartfield keeps more than a few secrets from everyone else in the world. But there's also so much yearning and pain... They both want to be together but feel like they can't because they made too many mistakes in the past... Ughhhhhh I just love them so much! I also love how it tackles the subject of class consciousness and the changes of the era. Once again, I don't want to say too much because there's so much mystery about them and I don't want to spoil it for you... 

Anne's horse is an old stallion named Saffron she got when she was but a girl. They grew up together and, even if he can't canter like he used to and tend to be a bit passive, she loves him more than anything in the world. As for Felix, he has not one but two pretty mares named Damselfly and Kestrel! I love their names so much!!!!!! I picture them as two peas in a pod and I love that, even if he doesn't ride, Felix still has his own horses! 

The last book of the series, The Muse of Maiden Lane, might be my favourite out of them all. It might be the recency bias but I just fell so much in love with Stella and Teddy and their love story. It also serves as a beautiful farewell to all the other characters and this universe the author created. 

Stella, since the first book, is described as a great beauty with only one flaw: her grey hair. It wasn't always grey but it happened once she turned sixteen and, now, she's forced to keep it mostly hidden as people tend to look at her with disdain and curiosity. Her brother's a vicar and, if he could, he'd rather take all of her inheritance and marry her off to some old parishioner of his. But Stella wants to live her own life and she refuses to become less than a shadow. 

On the other hand, we have Edward, Teddy, an painter. What he loves the most is art. I kind of see him as autistic because it's often mentioned throughout the book that he's single-minded about art. He's doesn't know how to speak to other people and doesn't care to learn how to be more courteous. All he wants to do all day long is painting and sketching and making art. It should also be mentioned that Teddy is a gentleman in a wheelchair, something very rare in this era. And even if not all of his character is about being disabled, it also brings a very important and interesting conversation about disabilities in this era and how it's perceived. Both from other and from Teddy himself. Just like Ahmad's story, I'm not concerned by Teddy's struggles. I'm not disabled and I don't know anyone with physical disabilities. But I thought the subject was well-written and well-brought. Teddy's character isn't shown as a poor little guy in need of saving or even wishing for a miracle recovery. Instead, he's a really strong-headed and bold artist who's not afraid of pursuing his goals. 

I think the author tried a few times to put both of their situations in perspective. With Stella's hair and situation and Teddy's circumstances, she opened a conversation but it didn't fall in the easy trap of "they're the same, their sufferings are equal and so they're made for each other". On the contrary, both of them discover how to be strong on their own, each at their own pace. Their growth is great and they learn to trust other people even when it's difficult for them. I'm not sure how to articulate it well enough but, to me, they really were made for each other. As far as soulmates go, both of them were brought into the world to live with the other. I fell in love with their love story. They really are my favourite couple out of the four! 

Their relationship starts with art and revolves about their shared passion for it. The Muse in the title is obviously Stella and I just love how she's described through Teddy's eyes and paintings. At some point in the book, he sketches her and it meant the world to me to read how she was portrayed. It was so lovely! 

Stella is the only horsewoman in the series with a mare instead of a stallion. Locket, her grey and almost wild horse is much like her in many ways. And Teddy even has his own horse too! It's a stallion named Samuel he bought to pull his carriage and become more independent. I love that, even if he can't ride, he's still connected to his own horse. 

So, as you probably gathered from this lengthy summary of the books, I loved them. Each of them in their own right. But, obviously, they're not perfect. As I said earlier, you can see in every chapter how much care the author put into researching the era. The fashion, the customs, the setting and the cultural aspects seem really well respected but, maybe a tad too much? I mean it's often referencing to people or events who really existed and, even if it's great to see she seems to be really passionate about everything, it took me out a bit of the story at times. Of course, it's only my own opinion! I know some people might prefer that to books being a bit vague about their environments. 

Also, one thing I didn't mentioned at all are the ages of the characters. If all of the girls are between 22 and 23, it's not the case for their love interests. Ahmad and Jasper are both older than 30. Hartford is 29 and Teddy is 25. And it pissed me off so badly!!!!!!! I hate age gaps relationships. Always. But especially when it's a girl still in her late teens or early twenties and a man in its thirties. I just dislike it very much. Naturally, I understand it has something to do with the era and the fact that women used to get married really young compared to men. To me, Evelyn and Julia are still girls when they meet Ahmad and Jasper. They are unaware of a lot of things. A LOT. It's said many times in the books, too. Evelyn is a country girl and Julia grew up sheltered in a gilded cage. It makes their age gap even more disturbing to me. 

As for Anne, even if there's less than ten years between her and Hartford and they're still both in their twenties, it's not perfect either. They knew each other as children and Felix is still eight years older than her. When she was 15 he was 23. He used to bother her as a little girl, pulling on her hair and treating her as a sister. Their families were close and even Anne's mother says at one point she thought their relationship was like siblings! It's kinda weird, right? It's not just a me problem? Hartford says he's a man and Anne is just a girl! It upset me a great deal while reading... 

The silver lining is Teddy. While Stella is 22, he's 24. And even if at moments some characters treat him as a child while others call Stella a spinster for being unmarried at 22, underlying the double standard, it's still way better than throwing a poor girl in the arms of a more older and mature man. That's also probably why they're my favourite... 

And my last complaint about the series is probably the lack of Evelyn. I mean, she's the main character and our introduction to this world but in the other books she kind of feels like an afterthought. Except in the last volume. Even in her own book, it felt like her friendship with the other girls was a bit forced. Maybe if I read it again, I'd see it differently but upon my first read it just felt kinda weird. They never spent enough time together on the pages for me to believe they became best friends in a flash... 

I don't really have other problems with these books. I might change my mind after reading other point of views, I'm still open to learning more and seeing things under a different light. By no means I think Mimi Matthews' writing is perfect but it's not bad either. I love the way she writes and I'm looking forward to reading some of her other books! I kind of wish The Belles of London was a longer series, honestly. I just love how all the characters and their stories are connected and they all exist in the same circle... My beloved... I'll miss them!

Now, I'm planning on making fanarts since there are very few on the internet! But, for that, I have to learn how to draw horses so I'll work on that! :)

If you read aaaaaall of this, thank you a lot, it means the world to me. If you ever read the books, let me know! I'd love to hear your opinions on them!

Mamma Mia and my Mamma Issues

When I was eleven-ish, I got my first own laptop at christmas. Or maybe it was my birthday. I was still young and didn't know many things. We used to have a familial computer, hidden in a big old wooden closet of sorts. I'd spend hours sitting in front of it, watching videos or playing flash games. I have very fond memories of this particular computer. But once I got my own, I left it behind. Not thinking that, one day, it wouldn't be there anymore. But it's the thing with childhood. And life, too. You never know when will be the last time you're doing something or meeting someone. 

The first movie I've ever watched on my own personal laptop was Mamma Mia. Illegally streaming on some shady website that my cousin showed me. I'm not sure if I had seen it before or if it was my first time. But I know for sure that it was the first movie I've ever streamed online. Thus, making it a part of my teenage years. 

Right away, I felt in love with this movie. I've always been a theater kid at heart (never set foot on a stage) and loved musicals. Only a few months prior, my best friend at the time had introduced me to Moulin Rouge and Les Miserables. I loved them both. Mamma Mia had a kind of magic in itself that I never had felt before. The songs were awesome, the scenery absolutely fire and the characters... Well, the characters... They became part of me in their own way, too. I loved them all, of course, but my absolute favourite was Donna. She wasn't like my mom. At all. Or so I thought, at the time. Donna and Sophie had such a wonderful relationship with each other. They trusted and confided in each other. They weren't afraid to talk. They always had time to spend together. Donna loved Sophie more than anything in the whole entire world. It didn't felt like my own relationship with my mom. 

If anything, the bond they shared looked more like what my sister and mother had with each other. I was out of the picture, there. Doesn't help that my sister is significantly older than me and that we don't have the same father. She always had a great relationship with her dad, while mine had always been complicated. So when I saw Donna and Sophie, I thought about them. But I didn't care. Because Donna could be mine, alone. I didn't had to share her with my sister or even Sophie, for that matter. I could watch Mamma Mia and see Donna as my own mother figure. Donna was never angry at Sophie. She had feelings and was proud of them. She was afraid at some points but never gave up. She was strong and brave and I wanted to be like her so badly. I never did. 

So, Mamma Mia was the first movie I've seen on the internet, illegally, and with my own computer. Mamma Mia is also the first musical I've ever seen live. When I was fifteen, my mom took me to London. We spent a week there, together and she surprised me by taking me to see my first ever musical. It was Mamma Mia. I don't think my mom ever knew how much I loved this story so I take it as destiny. We shared this moment and I don't remember much of it. My brain has always been really bad at keeping the great memories inside. So, instead, I recall all the times during this trip where I was a stupid, moody teenager and been mad at my mom for absolutely nothing. In almost every picture we have of this trip, I'm frowning and acting up. I hate it. I just wish I could turn back time and show and tell my mom how much I'm grateful that she offered me this. Instead of tainting all our moments with my bad temper. So, yeah, I was a dumb kid. Always been. 

You have to know that my parents divorced when I was two or three. Fact is, I never knew them together. It's always been two houses, two birthdays, two christmases and two families. They hated each other. Like, they physically couldn't stand in the same room as each other more than fifteen minutes. My dad was, and still is, a terrible person. My mom tried to act as if it wasn't the case. For my sake. I think she didn't knew at the time that it wasn't a good way to deal with everything. Because of that, because she wanted me to have a relationship with my father, I lost many things with her. I've spent most of my childhood feeling like a piece of meat torned between two lions. I'm using this metaphor solely because it's the one I've always used, ever since I was a kid. I never felt more than something they fought over merely for the sake of not losing the battle. I had two families but didn't felt at home anywhere. My mom worked a lot. She slept a lot, too. She was depressed and tired and I was a petulant child. I was temperamental and fussy and often did stupid things I wasn't supposed to do. My sister used to act as a mother to me, even though she was still really young herself. My mom was there but only in the background. 

I envied Sophie because she had a loving mother, loving aunts, loving friends, a loving community. She never knew who her father was but I envied this, too. I often wished that my father wasn't part of my life. That the choice was mine. Technically, it was. But you can't ask for a ten years old to tell their dad that they don't want to see him anymore because he's a scary man. And my mom only wanted the best for me. And in her mind, the best was having a father to take care of me. A father figure. 

I used to resent my mother for lots of things. Sometimes, I hated her more than I hated my dad. She felt like the true villain whenever she'd ground or scold me. I believed every horror my dad told me about her. I trusted him more than I trusted her. Because he was scary and always showed me his feelings. While my mom was nice and tired and kept her tears behind closed doors. And for the longest time, it felt like I had ruined both their lives. Because I wasn't planned, I was a surprise and I came at a really bad timing. My dad once told me that, if it wasn't for me, his life would be completely different. He'd be a renowned doctor in the US or whatever. My mother never told me no such thing but, after hearing it from my father's side, my childish mind just filled the blank. It was only a few months ago that I learned that she never felt this way. She told me herself how she knew, from the very beginning, that I was there, with her. How she loved me despite everything. She got married to my father and spent nine months in bed. She was sad and exhausted and sick but she loved me. 

Over the years, as I've grown and matured, I started to see things differently. Every little thing my mom did wasn't because she hated my father but because she loved me. She wanted for me to have a good life, to know him and to have the choice. She despised him but her love for me was stronger. She made many mistakes and not everything was perfect but she tried. It's her first life too, after all. And sometimes, I'm still mad at her for stupid things because we're both humans and that's how it works. Most times, I just feel guilty for acting like an ass to her. I try hard to be a good daughter but it can be hard. She's flawed and I'm far from being perfect. We're still trying. We'll never be Donna and Sophie but I made my peace with it. 

In 2018 or 2017, when the sequel for Mamma Mia was announced, I was ecstatic. Getting back Donna was all I ever wanted! Spending more time with her, learning more about her. It was like filling the hole I had in my heart. I couldn't talk with my mom but I could see a new Mamma Mia movie so everything in the world was right. 

I still remember the exact moment I learned about the plot of the movie. I was sitting at my desk, in the openspace. I opened twitter on my phone because I have ADHD and was bored. That's when I saw it. An article saying that Donna Sheridan would be dead in Mamma Mia 2. Donna. Dead. My heart sank. I quickly got up from my chair and made a beeline to the office bathroom and, within seconds, broke down. It might sound stupid but I was grieving. I felt so, so sad in that moment. Hopeless. Donna was one of my favourite characters of all times. She was coming back to me. In a casket. I was heartbroken. I cried in that bathroom and then cried at the cinema. Twice. Even before the movie had began, I was already crying. Even now, six years later, I can't watch this movie without crying. My friends all know that and they find it funny. And it is, in some way. Because it's not that deep, it's not that serious. It's only a silly little jukebox musical about a girl and her mom. But how I long for my life to be a silly little jukebox musical about a girl and her mom! 

If you want my opinion about Mamma Mia 2, I really enjoyed it. It's a great movie in my opinion. Not the best, by far, but I liked it. The songs are great, the characters still lovable and, despite everything, Donna is still there. It gave me what I wanted the most; to spend more time with her. So, for that, I'm thankful. However, I understand the people saying it's not great like the first movie. And it isn't. The vibes are so different! There are so many plot holes and things that don't make sense! And why the fuck did Donna die? She was only forty-ish! Maybe fifty! Still so young! And even if I'm happy that, seemingly, Meryl Streep is down to come back for Mamma Mia 3, I'm a bit appalled. It doesn't make any sense! I know it's only a silly little jukebox musical movie but it doesn't mean they can just ruin everything. 

Flying Colours (2015) review

Review / commentary written on Letterboxd last year.

Thought I'd share it here. Beware of spoilers, bad grammar and plain mistakes! :3c

"You go and find your own dreams too, okay?"

this movie literally broke me in a million of tiny tiny tiny tiny tiny piecea and i don't know if i'll ever be able to put them all together once again. it was a punch to the stomach. like, it's not that deep! it can't be that deep! it's just a movie about a dumb girl who wants to prove her teachers and father wrong by going to one of the best universities of the country. it's a silly movie, right? right? WRONG. this movie has so many layers i don't even know where to start with my review!!

sayaka is such a touching and beloved main character...... i loved her so much!!!! she's a good friend, a good sister and a good daughter!! i just wish her happiness forever and ever......

and i wish the same for her mother. the best character of the movie. such a brave and wonderful woman i can't even express how much i love her cause there's not enough words in the entire world...... seeing her protecting and standing up for her children all the time, she's an icon. i... i just love her so much????????????? i really really thought she was going to die before the end of the movie as it's often the case with such characters but i'm glad she got her happy ending, or something resembling. my only wish was that she'd divorce the gigantic scumbag she's married to but seeing they decided to give him some sort of redemption....... it was not going to happen.

as much as i LOVED sayaka's mom, i really wish throughout all the movie that her dad would die. he's the worst character. i hate him with a burning passion. firstly because he's an abusive piece of shit and secondly because he's just like my own father. projecting their fucking stupid dreams onto their children, pushing them too far and then leaving them with broken minds. i hate men like that. not to mention he's violent and abusive towards everyone and STILL they decide to pardon him because he does one or two good things???????? the ending would've been better if they just kicked him out. ryota can work to help his mother while he finds his own way through life. they don't this asshole. they can be happy, just the four of them.

ryota's character arc was especially important to me because i found some pieces of my younger brother in him. and i loved to see that he survived the abuse and everything he went through at such a young age. even thought i kinda hated it i was also glad to see him forgive his father. because i think the resentment wouldn't have taken him anywhere. he's too young to hate. he has too many things to discover. hatred clouds our mind and our judgment and i'm glad the movie decided to give him a way out of it. i'm glad he hsd the chance to start again with a blank slate. :) but still, fuck their father.

speaking of fathers, tsubota sensei is such a great father figure for sayaka and the other kids..!!!!!! the way he adapts his method so he can help everyone? his impact on these children will truthfully guide them all throughout their lives, without a doubt. and to think such a man really exist and this whole story was inspired by a true one?????? i really appreciate that :(

i think this movie carries a very important message. it's never too late. you can always try. and even if you don't succeed, it's okay. you can ALWAYS try. and i think i really needed to hear that today. when i'm at a point in my life where i don't know what to do or where to go. i just needed someone to tell me that's okay. i still got time. i still can try. this movie and its story really are hopeful and so thoughtful.......

also, i really really really loved sayaka and reiji's non-romance!! like, they were so cute and i have no doubt they'll find each other in the future and i'd really like to see them together BUT as much as i'm a romantic and a sucker for love in movies, i'm glad their relationship was this way. i loved their dynamic and the way they supported each other.. :)<3

overall, this movie was wonderful. it wasn't what i was expecting at ALL and i'm sooooo glad it turned out that way!!!! what a good surprise! i'll stop the rambling there but yeah, it was a really good movie and i'm so happy it exists.

Little Women (2017) review

Review / commentary I wrote on Letterboxd last year, thought I'd post it here since it's so long...

It's way more than a live commentary of the show than a real review but I believe I said some interesting things. Please, excuse me for the bad grammar and the absence of capital letters! 

EPISODE 1

The opening sequence is so good.. i love how it shows their characters and their relationship to one another. and also their relationship to their father and what he's going through. it's not so much but i love they added this because i believe it adds to their characters, too. they're their father's daughters!!

maya hawke's jo is honestly so good.. as is willa fitzgerald's meg!!!!!!! i think she's my favorite meg out of all the adaptations i've seen. she's just her yknow??

i love how well they're represented in the very start of the show. i love that meg is doing needle work on the sofa, watching over her sisters, while beth is sitting in the corner with their cats. jo laying in the middle of them all, ranting, and amy coming in with a smirk and a way to show that her manners are better than jo's.. it's them. it's so much them. and the way amy sits like a kid because she's one.. and i LOVE that beth is speaking up and bantering (in her own way) with her sisters. i love that she's really part of them and not kinda an outsider.. yes she's sick and shy but she's also full of youth and joy.

"I can't help that I like boy's clothes and work and manners. Being born a girl is the most disappointing thing that ever happened to me."

jo march i love you dearly..

i have to say i love the soundtrack so much!!!! it's so comforting..

LAURIEEEEEE i love him my boyyy.......

i love that they show more of his relationship with his grandfather!!

i'm happy that they show meg and beth acting as joyful and youthful as their sisters because they're often dismissed as the serious and quiet ones when they're as much michevious as their sisters!!!!!!!! meg wants to be an actress but the 1994 movie absolutely didn't give me that feeling. and it put beth on the outside. here, they're playful and happy and loud and i love them!!!!!!!

when i first came across little women, i instantly got fond of jo, obviously. i think she's the one people will most likely love because she's free spirited and funny and brave and all of that. she represents feminism and womanhood in an interesting sense for this time. but i also absolutely loved amy because she's the kind of characters i can't help but love dearly. a little selfish, a pest, but overall caring and tender with a great heart and an even greater character development. and, of course, i couldn't help but care about beth. lovely, lovely beth. my beth. the one i feel the most connected to. i see myself in her. i love her more than everything....

but even if i loved meg as much as the others, i felt a little distant from her. she was the big sister. the responsible one. i cared for her but not with as vigorously as i did for the others. she was my outsider. but now, i'm finally seeing her for who she really is. a heart so big and full of love and dreams. and a life a little bit too small for her. but she doesn't mind. i'm really starting to love her more and more and more. she's the one sacrifying her dreams and hopes for another life. a more comfortable one. to be fair, it's not really a sacrifice. it's more of a trade. as she's growing up, she's letting go of her childish dreams. she build the life she wants for herself. a life just like her heart. full of love.

and it's so admirable!! and now that i'm more grown up, i feel like she's the one i want to be. i want to find my life the same way she did. even if it means letting go of my dreams. because i think it's okay to replace childhood hopes with adult realities. as long as we don't lose our love. just the way meg did.

anyway coming back to the show!!

i love that laurie and jo's first meeting isn't at the party but casually on the street. it's cute. i totally can imagine that laurie saw them all go outside and he just grabbed the first thing (a football) and went outside just to have an excuse to meet them!!!!!! there's no way my boy was playing with a football on christmas morning alone in his courtyard lmao!! and i like that there's no awkwardness or whatever. i love that jo is just oversharing and laurie is doing the same. they're both so chaotic and in need of a friend!!!!!!!! i love them!!!!!!

also i have the same scarf as laurie. :]

i'm sad they didn't keep the dancing scene between jo and laurie tho.. it really was one of my favorite scene.. just them fooling around..... my babies.......

the hair scene is soooo funny lmao i love their reactions to jo burning meg's hair it's literally so on point!! they're my silly little girls..

i also looooove the scene where meg asks jo to swap one of her gloves with one of hers. so they both have a nice one and a spoiled one.. it's such a tender attention. something so little but it shows how much meg cares about her sister and her manners.. they're adorable.......

"If I do anything really wrong, will you wink at me?"

"I will do no such thing. I shall raise my eyebrows. That's much more lady-like!"

jo and meg's relationship is so important to me!!!!!! they both rely so much on each other..

also i love that each of the girls has an art form that they truly care about. like jo has writing, amy's painting and drawing, beth plays the piano and meg loves acting. it represents them so well, too!!!!!!

like jo loves to talk and her mind is full of everything that she experiences and she has so many ideas about the world and her way to express it is by creating stuff that she can share with her sisters!! reading isn't for everyone but stories are a perfect way to connect with people. storytellers are the backbone of society as they're the one sharing history. jo is a pillar in her family in this sense. she's the keeper of her sisters' feelings and dreams and hopes. she doesn't need a journal because everything she writes reflects her mind and emotions. she's an historian. and i think that's why it's so meaningful that she writes her family's story at the end. it shows how important writing is for her. not only because it's her passion and her dream. but also because it's her way to cope with anything. every word is a part of her. she's literally an open book.

amy isn't really fond of words or learning academic things. she doesn't like school except for the social part of it. but she still has so many dreams and ideas and her creativity flows through her fingers. she draws and paints and that's her way to show others how she feels and how she perceives the world around her. she can seems prim and proper but isn't scared of getting her hands dirty in pursuing her art. and she loves trying new stuff and techniques. she won't let anything get in the way of her creativity. and it's really showing in her character. how she handles things and acts with others. art is all about errors and trials. redoing the same thing fifteen times until you get it right. amy is the same. she hurts people, she makes mistakes. she makes amends and try to correct her attitude. but she's also young. so she doesn't always get how her actions can impact others. just the same way she'll paint something for herself, without thinking about the way others will interpret it.

as for beth, she's truly just like music. always around. always there. in the background, discreet but important. playing piano is her way to show that she's here. that she exists. and she conveys her emotions and feelings through the music. she's really not good with words or social settings. playing piano gives her something to do when there's other people around and it also gives her a voice. she's the quiet one but she still has stuff to say. and i can totally imagine her playing loudly when no one's home. or writing music when it's the middle of the night and a bad cough is keeping her up. it's her escapism out of her house and out of herself.

and meg.. she's an actress in the flesh. she's great at portraying the characters that jo writes for her but also at being the person people need. she's the best at playing roles. big sister, confident, perfect daughter, helpful lady, good friend. she thrives in society because the world is her scene. she enjoys making pretend. losing herself in someone she's not really. and i think it's the reason why it was so easy for her to set aside her dreams for another path. being a wife and a mother is just another role, for her. not that she's pretending and that she's miserable!!! meg loves experiences and learning about people. that's how she is the best at manners and etiquette. social cues are her language. she's going off script. she's the best at improvising.

and what i love the most about all of that is the way marmee is soooo supportive of them. she's ready to fight so they get the chance to pursue their dreams.. i love her...

"Let us be elegant or die..." is really one of my favorite quote from the book and i'm so happy they kept it!!!!!! i just love it so much..

beth and her dolls make me so happy too.. she's so cute........ my baby.. and the scene with marmee asking her to go outside and take part in the world.. i just care so much for her.......

i LOVE laurie and jo's relationship and the way they're complementing each other but not really.. laurie wants to be part of a family. he wants to have the freedom of pursuing his passions and being able to dream. jo wants to have the rights and the means of going out in the world and acting the way she wants without anyone telling her what to do. they work so well together because they found a companion in the other. a dream. they're soulmates. not because they have the same ideas and share the same dreams but because they both know how it feels to want to be someone else.

laurie doesn't want to pursue his grandfather' dreams of career for him. he wants to be free. but the second jo express envy towards what he has, he jumps on the occasion and tells her they'll go together. because all he wants is to be with her. and all she wants is to see the world... it's kinda like the scene of when laurie goes to college in the 1994 movie.

but i have to say, their relationship doesn't work as well in this show as it does in 1994. i can't really pinpoint what it is exactly but yeah.. they don't feel as compatible amd comfortable with each other as they do in the 1994.. idk..... but yeah it's not really the same to me..

amy deserved to watch the seven princesses of the diamond lake............

beth trying to overcome her fears.. my baby!!!! i just know how it is to be petrified by fear.. i love her :((

also yes amy is really mean and she didn't have to burn jo's book and if it was me i would have a really hard time forgiving her but also amy is twelve, she's a kid. she's the baby sister who wants to spend time with the grownups or the older kids. and also, she really admire meg and wants to be a lady just like her. so when it's jo who gets to spend time doing lady-like stuff, it seems unfair. i totally get why amy acted like that. even if it was uncalled for and terrible and selfish and cruel and everything. in that moment, amy was hurt. and she only thought about the way of hurting jo back. and if you think about it, amy seems really passionate about the play meg and jo went to so it makes sense that she's mad she can't enjoy just because of her age and insignificant stuff like etiquette. so she wants to clap back at jo... but i've been a little sister. i've been a big sister. i know how it feels to be left out because of the age. i know how it feels to have something you care about ruined because kids can't think about the consequences..

i also love how the reaction scene is played. how no one is forgiving amy and they're all making sure she knows it was wrong. no one's comforting her and she's learning it the hard way. i like that. because in the 1994 movie, meg is comforting her on the spot. and the argument is really downplayed. it seems as it's only a simple thing. so yeah i'm glad they treated it that way!!! also i like that they showed amy apologizing and how she reacts when jo tells her she can't.

"I don't mind if you cry, Jo."

"Tears are an umanly weakness."

"You're not a man!"

i really like the lake scene.. all the fear and guilt jo's feeling. the way she just goes toward her sister without even thinking about the risks. and how she can't think straight because she's terrified of losing her dear baby sister.. it just paints sisterhood so well. like, of course some days you'll hate your sister because of something she did. but it doesn't mean you're not ready to do anything for her.

and the aftermath.. jo's guilt...... when she talks about her anger.... i can't help but find myself in her words. i know what she means because i've felt like this before.. and it's so comforting when marmee tells her that she's just like her..

"But I am angry. Almost every day of my life. I've been trying to cure my rage for forty years."

and then everything is over with an exchange of excuses. and smiles.

the scene with the vaughan on the boats is adorable too!! i love bow playful they are.. and beth doing her best to overcome her anxiety and being just so kind and nice..... she's a treasure.

and it's a pleasure to see more of meg and john's relationship!! it doesn't feel so out of nowhere. they both have a interest in each other and show it casually.. they're adorable. i really like them together.

and the development of beth and mr. laurence's friendship!!!!!!! it's really heartwarming to see that they found comfort in being each other's companion.

"I thought silence was her best memorial."

EPISODE 2

i really love kathryn newton's portrayal of amy.. i think she's the best at acting both younger and older than her own age. her 12yo amy doesn't stand out too much and i like that. and i still get the feeling that she's a younger girl than she is without trying too much. she's unbearable but still really lovable yknow?

meg sharing her happiness of being able to stay with her friends and go to a ball with amy is so cute.. i love their moments together and their relationship.

and i'm happy that they showed john taking care and helping marmee and being part of the family even before proposing to meg.. he's such a gentleman tbh!!

oh how i love meg.. it's really this version that made me fall in love with her.... seeing how she's envious of her friends but still admits that it's okay and that's how life is..

i think the show emphasis a lot on jo and laurie's differences instead how showing how well they work together. lot of their scenes together are just them arguing because laurie isn't happy with is life and jo has to remind him to be grateful and how lucky he is and blah blah blah.. i wish they could've added some scenes where they're just spending playful time together without the need of telling us about their differences..

but as much as i don't really like their friendship the way it is in this adaptation, i also think it's what made me really like amy and laurie's relationship. because they spend so much time showing us that laurie is different from jo that when he's with amy (who's also very different from her) then they seem perfect for one another. without even trying to hard. and i think it's pitiful they did it this way.

laurie being jo's platonic soulmate and amy's romantic soulmate shouldn't exclude one or the other. he's both. he found himself in jo because of the troubles of their lives and their dreams. and he found himself in amy because of their joy and love of the same dreams.

if jo is the sun then laurie is the moon. and amy is the stars around. they can and should all exist together.

also i hate the discourses that amy wanted laurie because he was jo's friend first. or that laurie loved amy because he saw her as jo's replacement!!!!!! omg!!!!

their love is so much more than that?? i truly believe that amy admired him since the first time they met. she saw kindness and spirit and novelty in him and that's why she was jealous of his connection with jo but never really meant to get in the middle of them. if laurie liked jo it was alright for amy as he would still be a part of their family. and then, her admiration and fondness turned into love as she grew up and jo rejected him.

as for laurie i'll wait until i rewatch the rest of the show to share my thoughts!!

i love how beth's reaction at amy's "punishment" is shown!! she's furious and isn't afraid to show it. and the way she's taking care of her little sister. of her baby sister!!!!!!! beth is terrified of everything but as soon as something happens to one of her beloved sisters, she's unable to contain her anger. she can be so discreet but i love that she's explaining to amy why her teacher should be punished.. it's just so important to me that beth is a real character with a real personality instead of just being the sick and quiet one. of course she'd be indignated that her baby sister has been hurt at school!! and of course she'd tend to her wounds with all the kindness of her heart.

i also loved how, earlier in the episode, she reminded amy of something marmee had told them. she was strict but fair and still so full of love and kindness.. i really adore her......

and the way she shout at jo because she's playing their parents' favorite song.. it's her way of comforting her sister and herself. it's her way of saying "it'll be okay"... :(

also. meg at the ball. i love her. she's not being herself but i don't really see it as something bad? she's an actress so she's just acting and enjoying a life she might never have in the future. it's her one and only chance of playing pretend.. and i love her for that!! she only start to care when she realises that people mischaracterizated her way too much. and she's mad they thought her sweet and loving mother could have made PLANS of marrying her of with an heir!! she's stopping the role because people didn't get her character!! and it started to affect her family. and no one can touch her family!!

i love her so much :((

amy putting her foot in whatever was in the bucket is so stupid and funny i love that she's really just a little girl experimenting with life and art and doing errors lmaoooo

"And can't you see I'm being incommodate by my art?"

beth is really way too good.. i'm devastated..... i love her :((

the way she's really putting everyone before herself.. she's unable to cross the road to play at mr. laurence's house but won't hesitate a single minute to run and ask for help for others. she has such a kind soul..

laurie trying to convince amy to go stay with aunt march is really one of my favorite scenes.. of course she's crying and kicking and screaming and of course he's screaming back because he just wants her to be safe..... and he knows exactly what to say to calm her.. he knows exactly how she feels because that's probabky how he felt before moving in with his grandfather. he knows what it is to stay weeks on end in a dull house with a cross old man!! and he knows solitude and wouldn't wish it to anyone. especially amy. because she's a social person, just like him. i think they both strongly rely on other people to feel good..

and i know he's offering to come and see her because it's one of the only way to make her go. but it's also because he enjoys her company!! he doesn't mind spending every day with her.

she's acting like a spoiled brat and they both know it very well. but he doesn't mind. because he knows how she really feel inside. she's hurt and scared not for herself but for her dear sister. she knows it's serious and she's already so anxious about her father's health........

and beth.. oh my beth..... i love her :(

i love the way laurie gently keep up with amy's antiques but still tells her when she's going too far. i love that they both know they can better themselves and are agreeing that they can do it. they're good for each other.

"If you want to look revolting in your coffin, that is entirely up to you."

the scene of mr. laurence closing the piano is heartbreaking. he's ready to grieve for the second time.. :(

laurie trying to kiss jo while beth is sick is one of the worst scenes EVER. everything about it is soooo wrong omg... my boy!! her sister is on her death bed!! don't try to kiss your best friend!!!!!!!! i HATE it.. why did they include this?? it was so unnecessary....... it really feels like they're just trying to show us how their relationship can't work in any way possible but it's wrong!! they're the best of friends!! just not made to love each others.. why can't they be just friends??????? i'm kinda pissed about it..

and the problem isn't that laurie is in love with jo because i think it's okay. my problem with this whole scene and their relationship in this adaptation it's that it feels so empty and shallow?? as if they were friends only because laurie loves her?? as if he doesn't care about beth dying?????? yes he's in love with jo but before everything else he loves the march family!! he loves meg and amy and beth too! he's their friend too!! and i'm kinda sad that they took out the whole private club and theater out of this adaptation because i think it added a really important part of his relationship to the marchs..

making him act as if he doesn't care about beth is revolting.

also yes laurie is flawed. he thinks he will be able to make jo love him. he's so sure that he will make her care about love.. but i think that's part of his character. he's an entitled teenager.. it's not a good thing but i don't think it's that bad...... until he kisses her out of nowhere........ :||

marmee coming home, beth getting better and the others making her a snowman.... love them all so much :(

meg taking care of beth<3333

laurie buying a pack of oranges because he thought jo was at the dentist hhhhhh i love him he's so caring and nice ;;;

jo's speech about growing up i love her!!!!!

THE NEW PIANO!!!!!!!!!!!! and their father!!!!!!!!!! it's a happy christmas indeed omg.....

i love john and meg!! my babies!!!!! the way she says "I will marry well because John loves me!" before realising and adding "And I love him." with such genuineness.... yes you love him my darling you do!! and not only because he does or you're defying your aunt march.. she's so happy with him..

all of them singing for their parents and friends.. the smiles they're sharing..... oh how they care so earnestly for each other...

beth cutting every story jo published in the papers omg she really is her biggest fan!!!!! and she's probably jo's muse.. :(

it's so important to see the way jo sees her writing versus the way her father sees it. for her, writing and publishing stories isn't about recognition or art anymore but it' a way to provide for her family. something she longed to do for the longest time. it's the closest thing from being a boy she'll ever have. she can help her parents and sisters by selling her thoughts and ideas. it's no longer a passion from the heart but the mean to have a better life.

and it's so interesting to see her father trying to make her understand it shouldn't be this way... he's so right when he tells her, "You must also nurture yourself and that means to nurture your writing. It's more sacred than you allow yourself to think." like!!!!!!!!!!

writing was her passion. what she lived for. what she longed to do forever. she saw it as the key to her castle in the sky. and now, she can use it to help the ones she loves but her father isn't wrong when he says it's sacred. because if a passion becomes labor then it's not a passion anymore. and i love the way he wants to protect her from losing the one thing she's really passionate about..

"There are too many things I have to achieve by it, Father."

meg is soooooo pretty in her wedding dress omg.. and them wearing all flower crowns and surprising marmee.. i love them i love them i love them so much......

and i love how they portrayed marmee's love of her daughters. she's not interfering a lot in their lives, letting them make their own experiences. but she's always there for them. a shoulder to cry on, strong arms to support them. and the way she's closing the door to cry after seeing them and feeling overwhelmed by her love for them.... it's wonderful to see how much she loves them.

and aunt march coming to the wedding!!! it makes me so happy..

seeing how amy takes good care of beth is so heartwarming.. i feel like their relationship is the one that's the least shown and it's so sad because i just know they both love each other so much!!!!!

"Beth's fading away."

oh laurie i swear to god stop trying to change jo's mind about marriage or about you!!! the girl's not interested!!!!!!! move on!!!!!!!!!! i love him dearly but he can be kinda annoying when he wants.......

EPISODE 3

meg is pregnant!!!! my baby!!

"Our house is full of stories, lives unfolding, wings waiting to take flight."

amy is sooo pretty!!!!!! my beloved

beth hiding her pain.. no my love......

i know jo thought it was her that'll go to europe with aunt march and their cousin or whatever because she worked for the old lady for years and it wasn't a good job but she kept up with it because she was certain there would be a reward. i get that she can be frustrated that she wasn't choose but, to be fair, she did it to herself.. amy is thrilled to go to europe but she also knows how much jo wanted to go.. but it's not her fault nor her place to care.......

twins!!!!!!!!!!! meg got twins!!!! i'm so happy for them..

i love beth and laurie's special relationship. they have something unique. not so much in words but little acts every day. him saluting her when he pass by the window. sharing smiles on the lawn. i'm sure he buys her some new music sheets every year for her birthday. and she knits him a new scarf or slippers for his. she admires him as much as he admires her...

oh please laurie stop trying to kiss jo it's just painful to watch...................

jo misunderstandings beth and thinking she's in love with laurie will never be not funny to me omg jo wake up!!

i'm sorry but i really can't understand jo and laurie's friendship in this adaptation. they just seem to never agree with each other. they're always arguing about everything and nothing.....

friedrich uuuuugh let me throw up..... i like this version of him better than the 1994's one but i still absolutely hate him............ weird old man.. i don't care if he's good with children and have a nice mind or whatever i hate it.

amy in europe!!!!!!!! my love!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

the fact that she keeps reading jo's stories even on the other side of the world.. it's so comforting to know they'll always find a way to be all together....

laurie stop!!!!!! move on!!!!!!!!!!!!! stop confessing to her!!!!!!!!! it's so awkward!!!!!!!!! i hate it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ughhhhhhh

even if it could seem manipulative or whatever to cry after being rejected even if he knew that she would reject him, i like that they played it like this. because it sends us back to that time where beth said to jo that she could cry and jo replied it was an unmanly weakness. but now, seeing her best friend cry, she can know that even men cry when they're sad or hurt.

and i think jo is really sorry that she can't reciprocate his feelings (because she's a lesbian) and if she could have, he's the only one she would've wanted by her side. he's her soulmate, after all. her companion. they shared everything but not love..

ALSO that's part of why i don't understand why she'd choose friedrich over laurie when she's literally has no romantic feelings for any of them. she literally said to laurie that she would never love him or anyone that way but yet she still decides to go with friedrich?? it doesn't make any sense to me. i understand that she's mostly interested in his mind and ideas and sees in him a good companion for her lonely life but still......... i hate it..... jo should have ended alone or in an ambiguous relationship with another same spirited young woman...........

this part of the story will always make me a little bit pissed..

anyway i love that they showed laurie and mr. laurence's relationship!! and that he cares about his grandson's happiness.....

beth and jo at the beach.. no beth don't let yourself die....

amy and laurie in europe!!!!!!!! my loves!!!!!!

marmee's reaction is heartbreaking. truly heartbreaking. no one should go through that. nobody should have to bury a child...

"I could keep her safe here. And now she's going to go so far away from home."

i'm so sad........

"So many fresh flowers I might as well climb into a vase."

oh amy i love you.. and laurie my baby......

beth.. my beth..... my darling... it's so unfair

i love the scene of laurie and amy in the river.. they're so adorable....... i love them so much....... :((

the way they never said once the names of meg's children lmaooo

jo running to take amy in her arms :((

laurie's little speech to jo is really heartwarming.. it's what they both needed to hear and say..

i love seeing them all together at last.. that's what they truly deserve.......