my WEB SITE

 Hiya friends, I'm not too much on here these days... That's because I'm making my OWN WEBSITE!!! 

I was a bit tired of feeling constraint by the limitations of blogger so I decided to make something by myself. Learning how to code is really fun and I love to see everything come to fruition! 

If you're curious, here's my baby: https://sarshattack.neocities.org/ !!

It's obviously still a work in progress and I'm always adding new things and moving stuff around :)

I'm not making it to any purpose but entertain myself and leave my trace on the internet. 

coding

 Alright so as I felt a bit confined by the limits of what you can do on here, I decided to try learning coding more seriously. I went on neocities and started my own little website but, lord, it's HARD. Sometimes things will work and then I move one little thing and everything goes wrong. It's kind of frustrating but also absolutely fascinating!!! I'm kind of hyperfixating on that right now and it's great. Even though I forgot to eat yesterday and did absolutely nothing else today... I love discovering new things and being able to make my own little bubble on the internet but it's really frustrating because my abilities aren't as great as I'd like them to be so sometimes I just can't do what I want BUT I'm learning and it's what matters! :p 

The Lost Letter

 So, I read another Mimi Matthews book. This one is her first original novel, I believe, and it surely felt like it. Everything I loved in the Belles of London wasn't really there in this one. It was a rather short story, with fast pacing and weird characters dynamics. I enjoyed it nonetheless. I won't lie and say I found it good but it was fun and lovely at times. 

I loved that you can already see how she writes certain characters and archetypes and how she worked around her flaws to make it better in her next books! Because it was certainly a flawed story with lots of stuff I disliked but, at the heart of it, the relation between Sylvia and Sebastian, the main characters, was quite heartwarming. And I absolutely looooooooved Julia!!! 

It was a short, interesting read and I'm looking forward her other books because I just love to see how her writing evolves and how she grows herself as an author. It's very interesting that some themes in this book have been told again in the Belles of London but then it felt more serious and mature, as if she really took the opportunity to learn and change from it. It's really, really fascinating! 

pour simon

 voilà le site pour regarder des trucs en ligne ;p si jamais j'ai un accès vip aussi! 

Mimi Matthews

I just realized that some of Mimi Matthews' other books are about characters we meet in the Belles of London and it makes me so happy??? What do you mean I can read a whole book about Tom and Jenny and see more of Ahmad and Mira???? I can spend more time with Laura and Alex and TEDDY MY BELOVED?????? No it truly makes me sooooo happy I'm so excited to read them!!! But for now I started reading The Lost Letter. It's rather a short story but I already like it. It's soooo funny? Both of the main characters are soooo full of drama, they're hilarious. I can't wait to read more!

reading

 Now that I'm done with the Belles of London, I'm not sure what to read next... Should I take a break in the victorian romance genre or should I just keep on reading stuff like that until I get bored of it? I'd like to read Felix Yusupov's memoirs too because I finally found it in epub so I can read it on my e-reader!!!!!!! But there are also other books I want to read... The illusion of the choice... I just know if I don't start another book as soon as possible, I'll go back into a reading slump and I DON'T WANT THAT!!! 

11am rant

 It's 11am and I spent the whole morning working on my blog instead of doing important stuff like job applications... Nevermind I don't care!!! I don't want to find a job I ALREADY have one... And I love it........ leave me alooooooone... Ugh. I'm going to get ready for WORK now but I wanted to write a bit because I'm in a chatty mood! :p I'd like to add custom emoticons on here so maybe I'll look into that.. There's also a bug making little "new"s gif appearing next to comments on my post and I DON'T KNOW WHY IT DOES THAT!!! It's probably because of my new updates update but... I don't know what's making them do that... Anywayyyyy I'm going to go now ! :) I've also updated the website's playlist ;) It's full of Lizzy McAlpine because I LOVE HER and I think her music suits my blog well!

yes life

 Guys I woke up this morning and felt so good? Almost as if cleaning up my room and changing my bedsheets improved my sleep quality??????? UNBELIEVABLE!!! But anyway, it's cold but sunny outside and I feel happy this morning so I hope it'll be a good day! And I hope you'll have a good day too<3

blogging

 I looooooove blogging but I just wish I had more freedom on blogger. I could move to neocities but I just don't know coding enough... I'm slowly learning how to make some stuff with html but it's really not enough to make a whole website on my own... Maybe one day! In the meanwhile, I love adding little hidden things on here, even if no one looks around enough to find them, it's mainly for my own pleasure. Don't hesitate to click around, friends! At your own risk :p

dnd

 Today I played DND with my friends and introduced my new character, Celeste!!! I'm happy because I was feeling a bit of weariness toward my other character, Pon Pon. It's not that I dislike him but I think I could only do so many things with him and didn't really knew where it would lead so I'm glad to have a bit of change with her! I'm looking forward our next session to play her again. 

horses

 I decided 2025 will be the year I learn how to draw horses. I started sketching horses from pictures, forcing myself to use a ballpoint pen so I can't erase them. It's really, really hard because they're so ugly and I'd just want to be good at it immediately but I just can't because I never learned how to draw horses before. It's taking me a lot of will to not just give up. 

Here are the first few I did. They're not really good, obviously. Some are even outrageous but that's why I want to learn ! So I hope I'll make some progress over time and I'll update you. :)

perfect

 My therapist told me I have to stop being such a perfectionist. And, of course, she's right. It's kinda ruining my life if you think about it. Whatever I do is never good enough for my own standards. So I'm trying to distance myself from them, I'm trying hard to do stuff even if it sucks. It's really hard... 

This year, I want to be able to create things without being too harsh on myself. It has to be okay if this crochet square is a bit wonky or if this horse's legs look off. Nothing is perfect so why should I be? This year, I want to draw horses. As many as I can. Only practice can make it perfect !

coming back

 It's been a while oh god... I didn't make time to write and then things happened, it was the holidays then I went back to work and now I'm there... I wanted to write about last year, all the things that happened but I realize every time I have ideas about a "big" piece, I simply never do it. So I thought I'd just come back and say hi. Hi! 

Things are okay, right now. I spend some good quality time with my friends over the holidays, I often talk by messages with my favourite ex-coworker (I miss him dearly, work ain't the same without him), I've watched a lot of movies since the start of the year and I'm reading books and trying really, really hard to make a square in crochet. So, yeah, life is good right now. If not good, then it's alright. Nothing much more to say about it, honestly. 

I'll try to come more often to lay down my thoughts on here, the way I really want to use this blog!

frustration (cont.)

 I put on my headphones, start my playlist and open my word document but nothing comes out. The page stays blank, just as my brain. I have so many ideas for this story but no way to get them out. Then I think I'll draw instead but it's the same thing all over again. So, I want to change my mind by watching a movie but I can't find one interesting enough. I want to play a game but I don't. I wan't to read but I can't. And at the end of the day, it's another waste of time. My twenties are a succession of lost hours spent spiraling about stuff. I could genuinely scream and cry and shout but I don't even have enough energy for that. My room is a junkyard and it's been this way for weeks or even months at this point but still, I can't manage to do anything about it. Ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh...

frustration

 I'm struggling soooooooooooooo much with my creativity!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! My therapist told me to create no matter what, without trying to make it perfect or even good but I'm not sure of what I want to make. Or how to make it. It's so frustrating.

bangs

 I needed change so I asked my mom to cut my hair. I don't know yet how it turned out but it seemed okay. We'll see tomorrow. Even if it sucks, at least I won't look as before and that's what I wanted. 

summer

 I miss summer... I miss being on an Island, away from the world. I think if I could live the same as now but on Belle-île, I'd leave right now. I miss the ocean, the salty air and the big spaces. I miss dozing off on the couch as my friends go about their business, chatting and laughing all around me. I miss playing board games, watching movies and eating good meals. I really, really miss summer. These days, I keep dreaming about our last vacations. When I wake up, I feel sad and lonely. I wish I could just go back to this time. I hope I'll be able to go back next year and spend more time there... I hope it'll be as good as this year's summer. Without the pumbling issues...

arcane

 I've finished Arcane season 2 and I feel... weird. Kind of empty. I feel as if a few years ago I would've made a lot of theories and wrote many things on the subject. My creativity would've been fuelled by such a magnificient work of art. But nowadays, I can't say everything. All my thoughts are a mess. 

I have a lot of feelings, I cried a lot but I can't say anything. I'm unable to and it's frustrating. I'd just like to say that I'm glad such a wonderful show can exist. It's so breathtaking... And the story... I'm not happy with all the choices that were made but I understand them, too. I love all those characters so much... I'm going to miss them.

long-term

I'd like to write something on here as to not let too much time pass without posting but I don't feel like writing about anything. It's not that I lack topics, thought, because I could tell you all about my new noise-cancelling headphones, the great book I just started reading or Arcane's season two. I could even talk about my favourite coworker who said I was his favourite coworker or how it snowed a lot the other day and I quite liked it. But I just can't. I start writing something and, almost immediately, it feels like too much. Like, there's too much to write about and I feel at loss. And it's kinda the same thing with everything else. As soon as I think that something will take too much time to do, I feel overwhelmed and I literally can't do it. That's why I'm struggling so much with watching movies nowadays or even writing The Brief History. I can't do anything for too long but, at the same time, I spend my days doing nothing but watching stupid true crime videos and playing a dumb game on my phone. And I feel so tired. As always. I just wish I wasn't so afraid of long-term commitments. Even if the long-term commitment in question is an hour and forty minutes-long movie or writing my story. I can't even focus on watching a show week by week. I can't feel excited about it because it takes too much time and I lose interest. It's so frustrating!

Anyway, I'm going to sleep now because I'm just so exhausted. 

daily blogging...

 Once again, I'm not having a really great day. I feel so exhausted and anything annoys me... Thankfully tomorrow is my last work day before the weekend. I've finished the second season of The Sex Lives of College Girls today and I can't wait for the third season... It's going to be such a shit show! Tomorrow I'll start my Arcane rewatch before season two... I've missed them all so much... Viktor... My beloved... 

I'm going to sleep right now because I have a migraine and I'm so fucking tired... But I wanted to blog a bit before because I'd like to blog everyday, even if it's only a short post. I just want to share what's on my mind.