status quo...

Alright, I met with my childhood best friend this afternoon and things went exactly as I thought they would. Meaning, we had a good time but I know why I stopped being friends with her. 

I don't think she's a bad person or anything but maybe I'm too woke. As soon as I arrived, we went into her car where there was a Starbuck cup in the cupholder... And a McDonald bag in the backseat... I mean, maybe I'm just too woke. After, we went to eat at a cute mountain little restaurant and started talking about everything we had missed in the last ten years. She told me a lot of personal stuff I won't tell here because it's not my place but she told me she had discovered a WONDERFUL AUTHOR named....... Colleen Hoover.

I kid you not I had to give my everything to not pull a face. Like... What do you mean your favourite author in 2024 is fucking Colleen Hoover? And she was soooo sad to have missed that awful movie's release, too. That's the moment I knew there was no way I could ever go back to being friends with her. 

I know it may seem all very childish and pretentious but I just had such a weird vibe coming off from her... And again, I didn't had a bad time with her! It was fine, walking down memory lane, but yeah... One afternoon is enough. I don't see myself spending everyday or even every other weekend with her and her friends. 

She told me we should do stuff together and I said "Yes, it would be fun" but it's only because I don't know how to tell her I don't really like her... And, to be honest, I don't think I ever did. When we were kids we were always, truly ALWAYS, arguing about everything and nothing. We never stopped as we grew up, still finding faults in each other in every little way. It was always tiring to be with her. I've also been a bad friend in many way towards her, I know. That's mainly the reason why I slowly stopped talking to her.

Also, at one point, she told me I was the weirdest girl in our group back then. Like, she told me she was talking about me with someone and that person said "Sarah the Crazy one?"... I'm sure she didn't mean it to be offensive but it wasn't said in a nice way. What do you mean people refer to me as the crazy, weird one? Sure, I wasn't popular or anything but we were literally a group of outcasts! We all were supposed to be weird and off putting. Once, they locked me up outside at my own birthday party as a joke but it wasn't funny! I never said anything about it! Ugh. 

But, yeah, alas I don't know what the future will be made of. We'll see! I just hope she won't cling to me once again as she once did... I know I should tell her outwardly that I don't really enjoy her company but how am I supposed to say that in a not-hurtful way? I don't want to hurt her and I don't want to be a bad guy but I also don't want to waste my time and mind on someone I don't really like... I'm too old for this shit I think. I have to stop being that way... 

Anyway, as I said, we'll see what happens!