noise

 I woke up at 7.30 this morning. No alarm clock, no bell, nothing. It was me and the emptiness of my bedroom. The sun was lazily getting up and, really quickly, it got covered by clouds. 

I spent the day fighting back tears. I don't even know why I want to cry this badly. I just do. My heart is heavy and I can't breathe because every single breath I take makes the tears swell up against my eyelids. I have a migraine, too, constantly beating on my temples.I did nothing special to feel this way. It's just how I've been since I woke up this morning. At 7.30 sharp. 

I finished a drawing I'm kinda proud. I watched a tv show. Read a few webtoons episodes. Laid still on the floor. Laid still on my couch. Kept my eyes open. 

I stayed in silence for most of the day. I don't usually do that. I always put something in the background, to fill the emptiness. But the noise felt too loud today. Too much. 

I have my first therapy appointment on Monday. I can do it to Monday. I can survive the heavy heart and the closed throat. I can survive the tears and the silence. I have to. 

I wish I could make all the noise disappear. I wish I could disappear. But I can't, so I'll survive this. 

On other news, here's the drawing I did of my OC, Ersheen. I really like how it turned out after spending almost ten hours on it... The drumset is terrible but I don't want to talk about it. What I want to talk about are the little details! The smudged makeup, the sponge bracelet (idk how it's called), the sweat. The flames on their tie, the strawberries tattoo, the hot pink drums, the dark blue nail polish. They're wearing a big skirt and a funky shirt and I love them. That's my baby, Ersheen. I had never really made a full piece of them, only small portraits here and there so I'm happy I finally did it. I love them.