meds

Helloooooooo! It's been a while, I'm sorry. My friends Camille and Marie (I'll start calling my friends by their names because I guess if you're reading this blog then you know who I'm talking about lol) were staying at my place and then I went to Munich with Christine! It's been three-ish really busy weeks and I'm absolutely exhausted. 

I started taking antidepressants and I guess it doesn't help with the feeling of exhaustion. I say my therapist at nine am last thursday and it was an awful day because I went to the bathroom before my appointment and realized I was having my period for the second time of the month!! And I had nothing on me! Then my therapist suggested I'd come back to see a psychiatrist and I was like, alright I can do that, but my phone battery was almost down, it was really hot, I was on my period and I was far from home because I live one hour and a half away from my therapist so, yeah, it was a bad day. But I saw a psychiatrist and he gave me a prescription for meds and I started taking them on friday. 

The thing is I also travelled to Munich on friday morning. And, on my third day taking the meds, I went to the Eras Tour. We waited for five hours outside and then the show lasted almost four hours too. It's roughly ten hours spent outside with the heat, my periods and the new medication. But I'm really proud of myself because I got through it like a champion. I didn't felt light-headed or on the brink of passing out as it happened by the past when I was in a crowd. I felt good even if my feet killed me for two days afterwards. 

And it was worth it. I saw Paramore live. And I cried like a baby. 

I discovered Paramore ten years ago. I immediately fell in love with Hayley Williams' voice and their music. Ever since it's been one of my favourite band of all times. There's something so touching and personal in their music! I think After Laughter is my favourite album. Not one of them. It's my favourite. I grew up listening to their music, never thinking I could see them live one day. When I heard that they were opening for the Eras Tour in Europe, I couldn't believe it. I was almost more hyped by that than the main show. It was surreal to me. But I did. I saw them live. I heard Hayley Williams' voice for real and it was perfect. Ever since they appeared on stage I had tears in my eyes but I started bawling when she talked about the way her and Taylor and Zac had been growing up together. They started this band twenty years ago and had been playing music together before. And, at that moment, it felt like I grew up with them, too. And in a sense, I did. Their music is so important to me, I'm so glad I was able to hear them live at least once in my life! And watching Hayley sing The Only Exception to Taylor was so, so special... I couldn't stop crying at that point. I love this song so fucking much! 

Taylor Swift was also phenomenal. At one point, I really stood there in the crowd and thought "Ah yes, that's what a Pop Star really is" because of the energy of the whole stadium. Thousand of people singing every lyrics in sync, all together. It was almost magical. I've finally been able to hear one of my favourite song, August, live too and that was so, so great! I really enjoyed that! 

But I think spending all this time with people and going to appointments and doing stuff and the show on top it killed me a bit. My brain feels like it can't really function correctly anymore and I'm so tired of everything. I don't want to do ANYTHING!!! Hopefully I won't have any other appointment than my therapist next week before I go on VACATIONS!!! AT THE BEACH!!! It's literally the only thing I look forward to since Camille suggested we could find a way for me to go with them in august. My mom offered to pay for my tickets as an early birthday gift and so I'll go two weeks at the beach. My own little sanatorium if you will. It's either that or checking myself in a psych ward. 

I'll take the next week to rest and charge up my batteries before the holidays. I hope the meds won't make me too tired because I really want to enjoy my two weeks away from everything... But anyway, I did almost everything I had to do this week so I'm okay for now. I just have to write an email and, also, write my story so I can post on saturday and have a few chapters ready in advance! :)