My thoughts on Alicent (and Rhaenyra's relationship)

In 2022, I've watched the first season of House of the Dragon. I wasn't really into it at the start, watching it with only one eye, paying only half a mind to it. But when the timeskip hit, I started loving it. Like, really, really loving it. If you know me, it won't come as a surprise that my favourite character is Alicent. I love her deeply, with all my heart and soul. She's a walking tragedy, she's a loving bird trapped in a golden cage, she's the embodiment of regrets. I love her. I just finished rewatching the first season and I love her even more than before.

I came for the dragons and I stayed for her and Rhaenyra's relationship. I love them both so much! They're such interesting characters, trapped in a world where everyone want nothing but to hurt them, both in very different ways. To me, they're soulmates. Two sides of a same coin. They both made really hard choices and took awful decisions to protect themselves, hurting each other at the same time. It's so unfair. They went through so much and I hate that they hold each other responsible for their pain. Especially when all the blame should fall on the men around them. Otto, Viserys, Daemon, this scumbag of Larys and Criston "the most stupid knight ever" Cole. I hate them all so much! So, so, so much! Just thinking about them, about everything they did enrage me! And they never take any responsibility! It's always Alicent and Rhaenyra, mending the broken pots. I'm so mad at them! It's unfair and I know it's the main point of the show but I can't bear it anymore. If only they could just kill all the men and talk their hearts out, without any pretenses of Queens and Princesses and Inheritance. And I know it won't ever happen. So I grasp at straws. 

I cling to all the little details. Alicent's hand searching for Rhaenyra's. Their eyes meeting in a crowded room, always knowing where the other will stand. Alicent keeping a page of Rhaenyra's book all these years. They care for each other so deeply, it hurts. And they understand each other more than anyone else, too. 

They were friends. Best friends. They shared everything. They have nothing anymore. 

I love how motherhood is such an important part of their characters, too. Alicent grew up without a mom, really. Being too young to ever remember what she was like. Growing up in the shadow of the woman before her. For her father and for her husband. Always in the shadow of someone else, acting as a stand-by for their fantasies. Rhaenyra's mother died so quickly, without even saying goodbye to her only daughter. She lost her in the blink of an eye. She lost everything. Her mother, her brother, her best friend and her childhood. Thrown into the world of Kings. But the two of them became mothers. And they know what it means to love without constraint. The two of them would die for their children. Would kill for them. Would do whatever it takes so they're safe and loved and cared for. 

I find Alicent's relationship with Aegon especially compelling. As someone said on tumblr, She hates him. She hates him. She hates him. He's her first born son so, of course, she loves him. She hates him. She hates him. She hates him. Motherhood is a prison and he was the first chain wrapped around her neck. She loves him. She despises. She's disgusted by him. She'll stand in front of a dragon for him. (by alicentloyalist) And I think it encapsulates so perfectly her feelings about him. And the same goes for Aemond, too. Even Helaena. I believe, if she could have chosen, she would have never had them. She was too young, too scared of it. But she'd never give them up now. She'd do whatever it takes so they become people she can love. But she hates them. She hates her sons. She hates them with a burning passion. They're horrible and cruel and vile and so, so mean. They never listen to her, never respects her decisions. Never look up to her. They're dangerous and wild and she loves them more than anyone else in the world. Because Alicent is kind to a fault. She hates but she feels guilt for her hate. She feels guilt for her love, too. How come she can't help but love the enemy? How come she wants to protect everyone else but no one would ever protect her? 

Alicent has been taught to shut up and listen since she was a child. Whatever her father told her to do, she'd do it. The heart heavy and the lips quivering, her hands trembling. But she'd always do what he asks of her. She's still like that but the executioner changed names and faces. Otto, Aegon, Aemond, Viserys, Larys, Criston, Rhaenyra. She feels alone in the world. She surrendered her only daughter to a marriage she never wanted her to have. She gave up long ago. When Rhaenys' dragon looked her in the eye, all she saw was the sweet relief of death to come. But it didn't come. And she still suffer. She's a lady of sorrows. 

My favourite scene of all the show (for the moment, before season 2) is when Alicent simply loses her mind, grabs a knife and aims it at Rhaenyra. When she yells, "What have I done but what was expected of me? Forever upholding the kingdom, the family, the law. While you flout all to do as you please. [...] Where is duty? Where is sacrifice? It's trampled under your pretty foot again. And now you take my son's eye, and to even that, you feel entitled." Because it showcases perfectly her character. The hurt and the pain she keeps inside. The resentment and the hate. She hates Rhaenyra but she hates herself more. She always did what people wanted her to do and yet, she's still all alone in a crowded room. In a place where everyone hates her but no one will ever hate her as much as she hates herself. She wants Rhaenyra to listen to her so badly. To see how wretched and exhausted she is. She wants someone to see her as she is. A little girl forced to grow up too quickly. Thrown into a marriage she never wanted. A status she despises. Please can someone listen to her? 

And, no, I don't think either Larys or Criston really care for her. Just as everyone else, they're using her, her title and what she represents, to serve their own schemes. Lary only wants power. Criston is just pissed about Rhaenyra dumping him and can't stop being a stupid bitch about it. And I understand it when people say he's been assaulted by her. Their first sexual encounter where he tells her to stop and she doesn't. As someone said on reddit, he found himself in a situation where he felt Rhaenyra took advantage of him and I agree with that. But he's not mad at her for that. He's not mad at her for forcing him to have sex with her. He's pissed because she didn't give up everything for him. She didn't left her family, her title, her throne on a whim for him. He felt toyed with and I can understand this but I don't think it's what Rhaenyra did. They were both in love with each other and she didn't asked him to leave his cloak and title behind. Criston stands by Alicent only to take revenge on Rhaenyra. To show her that he won't lose everything because of her. But she never wanted him to lose everything. I'm sorry if this comes off as insensitive or awkward. I'm not trying to excuse rape. What Rhaenyra did to him that night wasn't alright because he expressed his refusal and she kept going on. But, at this point, he could have left. They were friends and he knew she wouldn't have said anything to anyone about it. There was a difference in power but she was only the princess. Nothing had happened yet so there would have been nothing to say about it to anyone. He knew Rhaenyra wasn't a liar or a cruel person. At this point, they were probably best friends since she had stopped talking with Alicent. Maybe I'm wrong about it, but that's the way I see this whole scene and discourse. And I hate his ass. 

Anyway, as for Rhaenyra, motherhood was as much a curse as a blessing. It reminded her of her femininity. Something she loathed so badly. All she ever wanted was to be her father's son. Being the heir held no power in her heart. She wanted to be a son. Brave and impetuous. Free. A son would be sitting in at the Council table, not serving wine to old men who despised her. A son would fight his father's battles and make him proud. A son would compete in the tourneys and winning all of them. If she were a son, she could have won Alicent's favors. They could have been happy together. She could have been queen, after all. In other circumstances. But she was born a girl and forced to be the heir in a way that never felt safe. But she wouldn't dream of a world where her children aren't there. They're her strength, her purpose. Everything she does, she does it with them in mind. She'll go to war for them. Bring down armies so their heart can beat one more day. 

She loved Laenor because he was a companion and a friend in whom she could confine. She loved Harwin because he was a pillar on whom she could rely. She felt desired and seen in a way femininity should be. She loves Daemon because he represented everything she wanted to be. A reckless and brave fighter. Someone who's not afraid to speak his mind and act however he wants. 

She loves her children because they're the best part of her. All sons. All loving and kind and gentle and brave. All Targaryens, too. Doesn't matter what colour is their hair as long as they're hers. Her children. She wasn't born to be a woman but she was born to love her children. To be a mother. Maternity wasn't a given. She saw it as a death sentence. She was scared and afraid of doing things wrong. Of not caring enough about them. Not loving them enough. She doesn't care about who their father is, because she is a Targaryen and that's all that matter. She's enough to raise and protect them by herself. She's strong and brave and kind and gentle to them. And that's enough. 

I find it so interesting and it makes so much sense that Lucerys' death seems the catalyst for her war. She didn't wanted it. She despised it. But you can't possibly harm, let alone kill, her son and hope for another outcome. She doesn't want to fight Alicent. Doesn't want to fight for what she's rightfully deserve. But she'll do it anyway. To avenge her son. To bring justice in the world.

I'm really hyped for the second season, coming out tomorrow. I just know it'll be so great. I just want for Alicent and Rhaenyra to see each other once again. To share their pain and to know it's too late, things have gone too far but, despite everything, there's still love for each other in their hearts. Because there's not a single world where they don't love each other. Doesn't matter that they're on opposite sides of a war none of them ever wanted. Doesn't matter how hurt they are. How exhausting everything is for them. They still love each other and it's all that matters. As for the other characters, I'm looking forward to see how this war change them. Especially Baela, Rhaena and Jace. They lost so many people, so many things. They're young and tempestuous and I don't think they'll stand idly by while the world tears itself apart for their future. Also, I love Rhaenys! She's loyal to a fault but she's far from being a pushover. I can't wait to see her role in the war. 

And if you're curious, here's my season one tierlist of the main characters! (It's in order, too.)

I must add that I don't take part in fandom discourses. People are dumb and their opinions are garbage. If you dislike Alicent (like most people do, I'm appalled to find) then why did you read all of this? If you dislike Rhaenyra then how do you live with yourself? If you like Daemon you're just so, so, so weird. I don't care about other people's takes and if I did, I'd look for it. This blog isn't a place to start discourse. I'm just sharing my own thoughts.